


Tell Me I'm Not Alone

by Not_You



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Murder, BDSM dungeon, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Bondage, Canonical Child Abuse, Cock sleeve, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dogs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Impact Play, M/M, Master/Pet, Masturbation, Pain, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Pining, Puppy Play, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sex Work, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Verbal Humiliation, all that canon nastiness with otacon's family i mean holy shit, dave is a good doggo and so are all the real doggos yay, it's just the civilian crazy with none of the walking tanks and cloning and shit, it's only upsetting because it's suicide the world didn't need huey at all, julie danziger is a terrible person, okay maybe strangelove was an accident here, otacon has a lot of bad feelings and that's sad :c, otacon isn't actually a masochist and that is also sad :c
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:46:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 25,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22810450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Not_You/pseuds/Not_You
Summary: The one where Snake is a professional dom, and Otacon is using his services to punish himself in a really unhealthy way until Snake puts his foot down.
Relationships: Kazuhira Miller/Solid Snake, Otacon/Solid Snake
Comments: 445
Kudos: 155





	1. Chapter 1

Hal is never really sure how he feels about this. He needs it, but he doesn’t even know what he’s doing. It hurts so much and he’s always so lonely and ashamed afterward, but he keeps coming back. It’s something about punishing himself, but there are cheaper ways to do that. He might be falling in love with Snake, but he was dumb enough to do that with Wolf and he tries to learn from his mistakes. From his many, many devastating and life-altering (or ending) mistakes.

Today Hal’s stomach is filled with butterflies, wings beating more frantically the closer he gets to Zanzibarland. What kind of name that is for a BDSM dungeon, Hal has no idea, but the place has been a good fit for him. Its employees all have animal names the way Wolf and Snake do, and everyone asks just enough questions to keep the place open. They know Hal’s legal name (and age),that his credit is good, and that while he refuses aftercare, he never leaves with real injuries.

The girl working the door today gives him a friendly smile, and what’s weird is that it actually helps a little. She acts like this is a hotel or something, and that Hal isn’t a pathetic and desperate pervert. They all do this, but Mei Ling, as her nametag identifies her, is the best at it. Hal is early. He has to keep military time, for Snake. It makes him nervous and tense but also makes him feel weirdly… important? Alive? At least someone wants him somewhere.

Zanzibarland doesn’t go in for decadence. Nothing bordello-like, and Snake’s room is fucking _menacing_. It’s the kind of bare, white place where someone might actually stick electrodes on a guy’s balls to find out where the other dissidents are hiding. Or a locker room, which feels only marginally safer for a guy like Hal. There’s a drain in the middle of the floor, and Hal doesn’t even know if it’s legal for Snake to make anyone pee or bleed. The furniture varies, but usually when Hal comes in, it’s set up like it is today, with just a straight-backed chair and some hanging cuffs, everything for impact lined up in the neat rack on the wall.

Hal takes a deep breath, and sits in the chair, his hands in his lap and his gaze on the floor. He’s never sure how long it takes Snake to get in here. He tries to be five minutes early for their appointment times, the clock on his phone set to match Snake’s, which matches the big clock at the reception desk, but he loses all sense of time as he waits.

Snake is very quiet. Sometimes Hal doesn’t even know he’s in the room until he comes up behind the chair and grabs his shoulders to make him jump and squeak, which Snake always finds hilarious. Today he feels the change in the air pressure when Snake opens the door, but he doesn’t look up. Snake comes closer on silent feet, and soon he’s right there, so close Hal can feel his body heat, and to catch his scent, cigarette smoke and a light musk that must just be Snake.

“Strip.” That command in Snake’s rough purr of a voice is enough for Hal to start getting hard, and the process is usually complete by the time he stands up, much less by the time he has obeyed. Snake can probably see Hal’s pulse. He drapes his clothes over a chair and kneels at Snake’s feet, tiled floor cold on his knees. He hates this part as much as he loves it, and trembles a little as Snake paces a circle around him.

“Pathetic,” Snake growls. “Every time, I forget just what a goddamn shrimp you are.” He casually pushes and moves Hal a little as he inspects him. The insults hurt a lot, hurt worse than anything else Snake does to him, but Snake’s hand in his hair is so comforting, and the little tugs go right to his cock.

Snake always starts slow, and just sort of warms Hal up with his hands, a rough, callused drag all over his body, somewhere between petting and heavy massage. It feels so good that sometimes Hal can’t help but moan. Snake mocks all his noises once they get rough, but for the first part he just chuckles sometimes. Sometimes he even compliments Hal, and that’s mostly weird but kind of good? They’re all backhanded, Hal couldn’t bear to really be praised, but it’s kind of nice to hear Snake say that Hal might be a scrawny little bitch, but that his skin is flawless. Sometimes he’ll say that it’s as soft as a girl’s. 

Hal tries to be a feminist, and he doesn’t _really_ think there’s anything wrong with being female or feminine, but a lot of strapping jocks like Snake have said that kind of thing to him, so it burns all the way down to when he was thirteen and even more pathetic than he would be later.

Hal doesn’t even know what he thinks of all the various ways Snake hurts him. He’s so sore afterward and it hurts so badly at the time that it does work as punishment, but in between the strikes there are these slow, warm moments that feel incredible. Sometimes Snake runs his hands over the red, heated skin and Hal moans. Snake usually makes a disgusted noise when he does that and slaps him somewhere particularly painful, but sometimes, when Hal already hurts a lot, Snake will just keep petting him. Hal isn’t really sure what to do when Snake is gentle, so it’s disappointing and a relief at the same time to have him tug Hal’s hair or slap him again, marking the ends of these strange intermissions.

Today Snake stands Hal in the middle of the room, binding his hands over his head. Hal whines and squirms, because Snake’s big hands on his waist steadying him already haunt his dreams. He wants to sink to his knees and suck Snake’s fingers, beg to be allowed to suck his cock, but he knows that he couldn’t do that last one here even if Snake wanted him to.

“How many do you think you get today?” Snake asks. Snake always decides the number, but he likes to make Hal guess wrong.

“T-twelve, sir?” Hal whispers.

“Can’t hear you, maggot,” Snake says, checking the cuffs. The insult almost sounds like an endearment.

“Twelve, sir!” Hal says, not much louder but at least with more conviction. He knows Snake heard him the first time, Snake has ears like a bat.

“Y’know, you were almost right today, punk?” He gives the chain a little tug, pulling Hal up onto his toes. “How does that feel?”

“G-good, sir?” Hal tries. He never knows what to say, and at least here that’s a good failing, a thing that lets Snake punish him like he deserves.

“Feels good to be almost right, huh? Well, it’s not like your standards have ever been very high.” Snake lets him drop back onto flat feet again, and Hal shivers, tears already standing in his eyes.

“N-no, sir,” Hal says.

“You were close, though,” Snake says, running a hand through Hal’s hair with the kind of careless affection someone might show a dog they’re not paying much attention to. “Thirteen, today,” he says, and then takes Hal’s glasses off. Hal can’t help a soft, sharp whine, because he was already so vulnerable and now he can’t see anything. Sometimes he manages to stay quiet about it, but he’s weak today. Weaker than usual, Snake might say.

Snake snorts in derision, and lightly slaps Hal’s face. It doesn’t really hurt, but it does always make Hal cry.

“Stop whining.”

“Yes sir,” Hal says, and just breathes, crying quietly as Snake walks away to the rack, setting Hal’s glasses in the little shelf below the implements. He takes his time about making a selection, making a few of those little bearish grumbling noises he makes when he’s thinking about something. There are all kinds of things over there, and Hal usually works himself halfway up to a heart attack before Snake picks something, worried that it’s going to be the cane or the single tail. Snake has never given him more than three with either of those, so realistically it _can’t_ be either one today, but…

When Snake turns around, Hal can see that he’s holding something flogger-like. The outlines are a blur, but it’s the wrong color and hang for the cane, and way too short to be the single tail. Snake prowls over and gently runs the leather tails over Hal’s chest. They’re soft, but they’re still going to sting a lot.

Snake always makes Hal count, and thank him for each strike. He never makes him ask for another, though, and he doesn’t start over if Hal stammers or whimpers. Hal can safeword, but he never has. No matter how much it hurts, he takes it. There are still old bruises on his ass from the last time Snake used the cane, so today is pretty intense even though the flogger is soft and Snake doesn’t swing very hard. Hal keeps breathing and keeps his count, hanging in the chains by the end, knees totally out. He hurts more than he would have thought possible with something so soft, a deep, terrible ache all over his back and his ass, and he can’t help whining a little, tears dripping to the floor beneath him.

When they started this, Snake had said something about aftercare, but as far as Hal knows, he doesn’t deserve it. He’s here to be punished, and all the ways he does enjoy what he gets are just proof of how much he deserves it. Still, he needs Snake to unlock the cuffs, and then he has to stumble backwards and flop down onto the floor. It would be a disaster if Snake didn’t help him, but he does, controlling what would otherwise be a fall, cradling the back of Hal’s head in one hand. The tiles are cool and soothing on his bruised back, and after Hal catches his breath, Snake rolls him onto his belly and covers the marks in liniment. The touches hurt, of course, but Snake is always very, very gentle here. He doesn’t praise Hal or hold him because Hal can’t take that, but he relieves the pain as best he can, and then ruffles his hair and brings him his glasses.

“Thank you, sir,” Hal whispers, and struggles up onto his knees, leaning on his hands as Snake carefully puts his glasses back on, getting the temple pieces to line up properly and not poke him anywhere.

“You’re very welcome,” Snake says, and strokes Hal's hair. “Now get dressed, I’ll be back in five minutes to check on you before you leave.”


	2. Chapter 2

The thing is, Dave _likes_ Hal. There’s something really sweet about him, something kind of tender and hapless, and much as it excites Dave’s sadistic impulses, these days every time he comes to the dungeon Dave always hopes that today he’ll want to treat himself, will let Dave be gentle. For some people the beatings and the most vicious verbal humiliation that Dave has ever done would be treating themselves, but Dave can fucking tell that Hal isn’t a real pain slut, and the way he cries when Dave calls him worthless just doesn’t sound cathartic. 

In the end, though, Dave’s a pro dom, not a shrink, and the man is paying and paying well to be fucking demolished. Dave likes to tear people open like that, but only if he gets to fix it afterward, and much as he tries to keep his personal life in its own little box, the thought of Hal has started to nag him at the oddest times and places. He’ll be drying dishes and suddenly picture Hal’s bony, white feet, and get really irrationally worried that they’re cold. He has dreams about the guy, trying to find him in a storm and other things you don’t have to be Jung to figure out.

Lately Hal has been coming in a lot, and Dave is starting to get worried about him on a purely physical level. Dave is skilled, but a hit is a hit. Hal just seems so small, sitting there with his bony shoulders hunched and his eyes on the floor. 

Something twists in Dave’s chest, but he just says, “Strip,” and waits for Hal to obey him. 

This is part of their protocol and will give him a chance to see how bad Hal really looks. Dave always sends him home with strict aftercare instructions, and Hal usually even follows them. Now he shrugs out of his shirt and there are three lines of nearly-black bruising from the cane. He reminds Dave of a little white mouse and seeing those marks he can’t help but hear Hal again, miserable little noises under each strike of the cane, choked off in the back of his throat like a kid afraid they’re going to get hit for crying, and before Dave even knows he’s going to speak, he’s snapping, “Stop.”

Hal freezes, halfway through unzipping his fly. “...Sir?” he whispers, after an unbearably long moment.

“I can’t do this,” Dave says, horrified to feel himself so close to out of control, cold all over, a light ringing in his ears. “I have a safeword too, and I’m using it.”

Dave isn’t sure what he’s expecting, but it isn’t for Hal to drop to his knees like someone cut his strings. “I’m sorry!” he gasps, hugging himself with his skinny arms in a way that’s terrible to see. When Wolf had passed him off to Dave, she had said that Hal was needy, but that when she told him she couldn’t see him anymore he had just cried.

“He does that a lot,” Wolf had said with a sigh. “Obvious childhood trauma, but I don’t think it’s made him a stalker. Yet.”

“Hey,” Dave says now, kneeling next to Hal, “hey, it’s all right.” Hal is tense all over when Dave puts an arm around him, but he doesn’t resist, letting Dave pull him close.

“N-no it’s n-not,” Hal sobs, and Dave sighs, rubbing Hal’s upper arm and ignoring those sharp elbows pressing in against his waist.

“Okay,” Dave says, “but we can work it out.” 

Hal starts to apologize again, and Dave hushes him. Soothing Hal gives him a focus, but he still feels jagged and close to tears. It gets worse when Hal pulls away, but Dave lets him. This isn’t a scene, he’s not going to force Hal into anything, not even accepting affection.

“I...” Dave takes a deep breath, willing himself to stop shaking. “I can’t hurt you when you’re bruised like that and I know you don’t actually like pain.” His voice breaks a little, and he takes a deep breath and swallows hard to get it under control. “I know I’m a professional, but I can’t do this today.”

Hal is quiet for a long time, and then looks up for the first time, red-rimmed eyes almost silver behind his glasses. “What can I do to help?” he asks, and for one wild moment Dave almost kisses him.

“Come home with me,” he says, and adds, “we’ll keep dungeon rules there, I just need to look after you for a bit.”

Everyone gets a few free cancellations, because shit happens. Dave has yet to use any of his, so while Mei Ling is far from pleased, she’s also properly concerned and makes him promise to do an incident report, as if he has any idea how to describe this mess. Still, he promises that he will and leaves his apologies to the two other people he was supposed to see today. At least there’s a little notice, and there’s always someone on call to cover situations like this. It might be Wolf today, Dave isn’t sure. If it is, at least she knows how much Frank likes getting stepped on. He calls a cab and then goes to collect Hal, who’s waiting quietly, fully dressed and sitting on the single chair. Looking at him, Dave is glad that Zanzibarland has surveillance tapes of the lobby, and that Mei Ling is certainly flagging his exit with Hal, in case either of them turn up missing.

Dave is starting to feel shaky again, but it does help to see Hal. “Come on,” he says, and offers Hal a hand up. Hal takes it, and squeezes, risking a shy glance into Dave’s eyes. His soft, hesitant smile is beautiful, and Dave smiles back.

In the back of the cab, they sit very upright, Dave clutching too desperately at control to touch, Hal probably too shy. Dave pays and tips the driver on autopilot, and then takes a client straight up to his apartment, the thing he has always said he will never do.

Dave has never really been the city type, but this is where he is now, and he has adapted to the best of his abilities. This means houseplants and a dog small enough to fit under the lease, which means that he and Hal walk into a barrage of tiny barking, Bell charging out to meet them, her entire five-pound chihuahua body tensed and ready to defend her home. When she sees that it’s Dave after all, she does her little dance of greeting, frantically wagging her tail.

“Oh my god she’s so cute,” Hal breathes, and Dave chuckles.

“That’s one word for it. Bell, sit!” Bell sits, and Dave crouches and scratches her behind her tiny ears. “Good girl,” he croons, and she is very good, letting Hal pet her and coo over her while Dave pours himself a drink and makes sure he has something to feed a guest. He already feels a little better just having Hal around and not overwhelmed by anxiety, guilt, or shame. Thinking about how bad things have really been makes him feel shaky again, and he refuses to let it get into his head. He has been a shit dom, but the only situation he can do anything about is the present one.

Hal seems pretty stable, for now, but Dave also needs to take care of himself. Hal blushes when Dave grabs bottled water and leads him back to the bedroom, but he follows easily. He smiles when he sees the actual patchwork quilts Dave sleeps under, and lets Dave bundle him in between the sheets. They’re not freshly washed, but not far enough from it to really be embarrassing. Hal makes a small sound when Dave wraps around him from behind, but shakes his head when Dave asks if the contact hurts.

A moment later Bell comes running in and jumps onto the bed, making them both chuckle. “Um,” Hal says, “is it okay if we talk?”

“That would be fine,” Dave says, his face nestled into Hal’s hair.

“How did Bell end up here?”

“What, she doesn’t seem like my kind of dog?” Dave asks, smiling.

“Well, not really.”

“I’m only allowed to have a small dog here, nothing over fifteen pounds. I’ve always been more partial to working breeds, which are pretty much all bigger, so for a while I just enjoyed the lack of responsibility. It can be nice not to have anything to feed and water, but I finally cracked and went to the pound to see who was there in my weight range. I was thinking maybe some kind of terrier or something, but then I found this ‘aggressive’ chihuahua, and I couldn’t let them kill her just for being terrified.”

“Was she really aggressive?” Hal asks, as Bell shoves her tiny head under his hand. He strokes her sleek, black fur.

“Just scared. She has never bitten me.”

“Of course you haven’t,” Hal coos to the dog, and then laughs as she licks his face.

“There’s a command to make her knock that off, if you want it.”

“Nah,” Hal says, “I’m glad she likes me enough to kiss me.”

Dave likes Hal more than enough to kiss him, but now is not the time.


	3. Chapter 3

Hal doesn’t get much of an impression of the apartment, because with only a brief stop in the kitchen for bottled water, Snake bundles him straight to bed. It’s overwhelming to be here like this, on Snake’s real sheets that smell like him and the actual patchwork quilts and the water glass by the bed. Between the sheets, Hal feels strange, some kind of fully-clothed intruder, but then Snake has cuddled up behind him and Hal’s brain goes offline somehow as Snake pulls him back against his chest, carefully, in deference to his bruises. It’s not the usual mostly-numb satisfaction of punishing himself, this is warmer, slow and sweet and he can’t think and doesn’t mind. Hal hasn’t slept well for a while, so even though it seems kind of rude or something, he doesn’t really fight it when sleep overcomes him, so warm and maybe even safe in Snake’s arms.

When Hal wakes up, Snake is still there, still holding him, and something about that makes him burst into tears. It’s sudden and loud and it takes him by surprise, so it must be jarring for Snake, but Snake just rocks him a little and murmurs that it’s okay, that Hal isn’t alone and Snake will give him whatever he needs.

“S-sorry,” Hal gasps when he can speak, still clutching at Snake so hard his hands ache, fresh tears spilling down his face.

“It’s okay,” Snake says, and gives him some tissues. Hal mops at his eyes and blows his nose, but the tears just keep coming, and he goes through what feels like half a box of tissues before he can finally stop.

“Sorry,” Hal whispers, and Snake sighs.

“You have done wrong, but not by being sad, okay? Listen to me, don’t start apologizing again. I would _love_ working with you if you really enjoyed everything you ask for, but you don’t, and it’s not fair to either of us.”

Hal cries some more over this, and falls into a doze, emotionally exhausted. He can feel Snake getting up and moving around the room, and then Snake isn’t there anymore, and that bothers Hal enough to wake him up. It’s dark by now, and the apartment is quiet. The only place that’s lit is the kitchen, so Hal goes there. He doesn’t mean to be stealthy, but he’s barefoot and Snake has carpet, so he accidentally sneaks up on Snake trying to make a private phone call.

“I know, I know,” Snake is saying quietly, taking deep breaths like he’s trying to get his emotions under control. “I just… Master, I’ve fucked up so _bad_.” He’s quiet for a moment, listening as Hal forgets to worry about eavesdropping while he tries to wrap his head around Snake calling someone ‘Master.’ 

“I know. You’re right, Master, I know you are, I just...” he glances up and catches sight of Hal, who somehow manages _not_ to make a squeaking noise and run away. Snake flushes pink, and gives him a sad smile. “Hey, Hal. I’ll have to get back to you, Master,” he adds, and makes a noise of assent to whatever the man on the other end says, and then hangs up, turning his attention back to Hal. “We do need to talk, if you’re comfortable.”

“...I’m kinda never comfortable, so we’re probably okay,” Hal says, and obeys Snake’s gesture to sit at the kitchen table.

“You need a warming drink,” Snake tells him. “Preferences?”

“...I could really use some coffee,” Hal says, and Snake nods. He makes coffee with the same animal grace he does everything else, and it’s really not fair for a human being to move like that.

“You seem like a cream and sugar kind of guy,” Snake says, his back to Hal as he slots the coffeepot into place.

“That’s probably because I am?” Hal says, shrugging and doing his best not to wince because his entire back still hurts from last week. “You take it black, don’t you?”

Snake smiles. “When it’s not Irish, yeah.”

Hal grimaces. “Oh my god please tell me you don’t actually do that in the morning.”

“Fuck you, I do what I want,” Snake says, his tone so pleasant that the words don’t process at first, and then they do, and Hal doesn’t know if he has offended Snake or not. Another moment and he laughs.

“Caught up?” Snake asks, and it’s the kind of thing he would sneer during one of their scenes, but right now he sounds fond. It feels nice, and Hal reminds himself not to get used to it. “Anyway, I’m not actually an alcoholic, I checked the diagnostic criteria. I just need to watch my ass any time my life falls apart.”

“...I know how that can be,” Hal says softly. He grimaces, glancing away. “I mean, not with drinking, but other stuff.” Online gaming, because he’s a loser.

“It’s okay if it’s online gaming. You paid me for verbal humiliation, Hal. I’m not actually here to judge.”

It shouldn’t be a surprise that Snake is in his head like this. “...I guess not.” Hal says.

“Hal, what _are_ you getting out of our sessions?”

“I…” Hal stares down into his coffee for an unbearably long moment, hands cradling the cup. “I’m punishing myself. It’s the only way I know how. I can’t hurt myself too badly to work, the law won’t touch me for what I’ve done, I’m too much of a coward to just go around and pick fights and there’s no way to control those...” He looks up. “And I can’t just kill myself, because of my sister. And I don’t think I really want to die anyway, I just...”

“What did you do that was so bad?” Snake asks, and he sounds so kind that Hal almost tells him but he can’t. It’s like the muscles in his throat and chest that would let him say the words are paralyzed. He hasn’t even told E.E. how much of everything is his fault, and it’s like the secret is a stone in his belly, too big to vomit up.

“I can’t tell you,” Hal says at last, and can’t help cringing and adding, “sorry,” barely able to keep himself from addressing Snake as ‘sir.’’

“I think it would help you to tell me,” Snake says. “To tell anyone, shit. Have you?” Hal shakes his head, and Snake sighs. “Well, I’m a dom, not a shrink, but I think you should.”

“I’ll tell you,” Hal blurts, “but not now, okay?”

“Okay.” Snake’s voice is so gentle that Hal wants to cry, but he has done more than enough of that shit for today. Or any day, ever. He sips his coffee, and suddenly feels another pang of remorse for screwing things up, even if he thinks he’s glad to be here, seeing Snake’s real home and how he lives in it.

“...Can I ask your real name?” Hal asks, and he isn’t sure how to read the look Snake gives him. It’s almost angry but really sad, somehow.

“Of course you can, I can’t believe I haven’t told you.”

“You were in kind of a rush. Sorry.”

Snake sighs. “Yeah, I guess so. And I’m sorry, Hal. I know you got the Zanzibarland orientation and that I laid out the basics, but… Whatever, that’s not an answer. Dave,” he says, holding his big hand out for Hal to shake, “Dave Plissken.”

“Hal and Dave, huh?” Hal says, and Dave laughs. The sound is as beautiful as ever and not mean at all, and it makes Hal feel warm all over.

“Hal, I’m willing to punish you if the experience is cathartic, but I don’t feel like it has been.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Hal says, shrugging. He risks a glance up at Snake, no, Dave, and he looks so _sad_.

“My master always said that any punishment that doesn’t improve a person is pointless.”

“I… can I ask you about that? I mean, I know not everybody just does one thing, but the thought of you having a master is kind of… hard to assimilate?”

Dave chuckles softly. “Once I realized I wanted to do this, I trained old school. Easiest way to know what people can take and what an implement or psychological technique feels like is to experience it for yourself.”

“Oh. Uh, like, who is he? As a person and stuff?”

“He’s a cranky old goat, and a dork who likes train noises, and I love him.”

It feels weird, hearing Dave say that he loves anyone, and not just because he has always been so vicious at work. There’s a stupid little pang at it not being Hal himself, that Hal stomps and buries as violently as he can while maintaining outward composure, but much more than that is a kind of generalized ache. For anyone to feel that way about Hal, as well as a wistful happiness for Dave.

“He knew my father, so he felt weird about training me in the first place.” Dave chuckles, shaking his head with a look of such inexpressible fondness for his absent master that it makes Hal’s breath catch. “He’s just so fuckin’ gorgeous, though. I used to watch him sleep sometimes...” he pauses, with another smile. “It was all right, he had me tied to his bedpost, it isn’t like he didn’t know I was there.”

Hal feels like his brain is cracking at the edges like the shell of a boiled egg at the thought of Dave tied to anyone’s anything, so he just keeps his mouth shut and lets Dave go on.

“He didn’t tell me until later, but he never lets anyone do that.”

Hal isn’t sure what to say, that he’s honored to be here and it’s wonderful to learn more about the real person behind Snake? It’s a mercy that Bell comes in, then, and goes right to Hal, standing on her hind legs to put a tiny front paw on Hal’s leg, not even quite reaching the knee.

“She wants you to pick her up,” Dave says, and Hal does, very carefully. Bell smiles up at him so widely that he has to smile back, cradling her tiny form.


	4. Chapter 4

Dave lets Hal pet Bell for a while before he asks, “Do you have anyone waiting for you?” Hal had mentioned a sister, but she could be living anywhere.

“My sister’s out of town,” Hal says, still rubbing Bell’s ears and gazing down into her huge eyes. “Day two of a three-day STEM camp for girls she really wanted to go to.”

“So she lives with you?”

“Yeah,” Hal says softly, and he looks happy and kind of miserable at the same time. “She doesn’t know about… any of this.” He pauses. “Well, she’s not an idiot, but she thinks I’m sore from some kind of exercise.”

Dave nods. “Fair enough. You can go whenever you want, of course, but I was wondering if you’d stay for dinner.”

“...R-really?” Hal looks up, and god, his eyes are as big and helpless as Bell’s had been at the pound. How the fuck is this Dave’s life?

“Yeah, really,” Dave says, getting up from the table and going to the fridge.

There isn’t a hell of a lot to work with, but he should be able to come up with something, and if anyone needs a decent meal, it’s Hal. On his own, Dave is willing to eat oatmeal and jerky for dinner, with bonus protein powder and liquor, but Hal looks like he lives on instant ramen and energy drinks. He would probably consider oatmeal home cooking, and be tragically grateful.

“I don’t think you should be alone,” Dave adds, moving a few takeout containers out of his way, “and I like you.” 

“...Y-you do?” Hal says it like he’s expecting Dave to yell ‘pysch!’ and run away. It’s heartbreaking.

“Yeah,” Dave says, emerging with a package of chicken. “I do. Now, is there anything you can’t eat?”

Hal shakes his head, hugging Bell to his chest like a baby. She pants happily, and Dave is really, really glad that Hal has something to cuddle. And that he spent all that time resocializing Bell.

“Chicken stir-fry all right?” Dave asks, and Hal blinks, like he can’t believe he’s being consulted.

“Uh, yeah,” he says, and Dave can see him struggling with the absent ‘sir.’

“You know how to work a rice cooker?” If he doesn’t, he can learn in seconds, so it’s a good task to offer. Turns out that Hal does know how to work a rice cooker, and he makes them a batch while Dave chops up whatever is around; spinach, bell pepper, onion, carrots. A little of Master Miller’s Special Sauce (really, one of about eight Special Sauces, this one tamari-based) and the whole thing comes together pretty well.

As Dave cooks, he asks Hal about his work and other things that they haven’t had any occasion to talk about. He knows that Hal is a massive nerd and loves mecha anime and kaiju movies and all that kind of thing (the man has Voltron underwear, for fuck’s sake), but now he finds out that Hal is a freelance programmer, and is in the middle of some kind of robotics project.

“I’m working on the walk cycles,” Hal says. “It’s one of the hardest things to get a robot to do right.”

“I’ve heard about that,” Dave says, “but I wouldn’t know. I can barely manage successful email use.” Hal gives him that wide-eyed look that tech geeks always give someone as hopeless as Dave, and he chuckles. “Somehow I survive.”

After dinner, Dave realizes how late it’s getting, and calls Kaz again. He’s supposed to spend the night over there, Wednesday the Friday of Dave’s nonstandard work week.

Kaz answers the phone with, “How’s my favorite boy?” something that always makes Dave blush a little and feel silly for it.

“Okay, Master,” he says. “I should probably stay here tonight.”

“Cute Nerd still there?” Cute Nerd has been Hal’s official codename for some time, and Dave can’t help a guilty look around, as if Hal could have overheard. Not only is the phone not on speaker, but Hal is playing with Bell in the other room. It’s fucking adorable, he’s kneeling on the floor to be level with her, and gently tossing the little rubber ball that she likes to chase. People say anything without retriever blood won’t fetch, but Dave has not found that to be the case.

“Yeah, he is, and… I mean, I was telling you earlier, Master. He’s been using me to punish himself this whole time, in a genuinely self-destructive way.”

“Well, that’s no fucking good. If he likes dogs, maybe you should bring him over. You think his psyche could take it?”

“...Well, sir, I guess I could ask,” Dave says, and Kaz chuckles.

“Put the phone down, go ask Cute Nerd if he wants to come over. I’ll wait.”

“He has a name,” Dave says.

“Yes, a name you haven’t told me. Now go ask him.”

“Yes, Master,” Dave grumbles, and sets the phone down on the kitchen table, going to join Hal and Bell in the other room. Bell wags her tail with delight to see him, and he scoops her up, petting her tiny head as he sits on the floor next to Hal.

“Hi,” Hal says softly.

“Hey. So, uh… I was supposed to go over to my master’s tonight--”

“Oh no!” Hal looks stricken, and sounds so worried that Bell lets out an anxious whine. “Look, please don’t let me keep you from anything!”

“He was actually wondering if you wanted to come along,” Dave says, and suddenly feels completely resigned because of course Hal wants to come along, Hal left a public place for a secluded one with a man he only knows by a pseudonym and has spent months beating and humiliating him, and once there, admitted that no one is waiting for him at home. Hal needs someone to look after him and Dave is beginning to worry that he’s elected.

“...You—you don’t mind?” The fluttering hope in Hal’s voice is painful to listen to.

“No,” Dave says, as gently as he can, “I don’t mind. I just don’t want to pressure you or make you feel unsafe.”

“Unsafe how?” Hal asks, eyes huge and innocent behind his glasses. Fuck it, they’ll have a long talk about personal safety later.

“If we were bad people you’d be in a world of hurt,” is all he says for now, and Hal just blinks at him.

“But you rescue dogs, how can you be a bad person?” Holy shit, he’s like a baby duckling trapped in the body of a man.

“There’s a lot of ways to be a bad person, but yeah, you’re safe with us. We’re not going to make you do anything you don’t want. And don’t worry about him minding, he’s the one who told me to invite you.”

“Okay,” Hal says, and beams when Dave hands Bell to him, cuddling her some more.

Dave goes back to the kitchen and picks up the phone. “Okay, Master. We’ll be right over.”

Kaz laughs. “That’s what I thought.”

Kaz lives outside of the city, where a man can have a real yard and properly-sized dogs. He’s the main reason Dave even owns a car, living this urban. He explains this to Hal as he leads the way out to the garage, Bell clicking along at their heels.

“We can stop somewhere and get you a toothbrush and fresh underwear if you want,” Dave says, holding the passenger door open for Hal.

“I, uh… that would be nice,” Hal says, and then smiles as Bell hops up into his lap. Dave puts his own overnight bag in the back, and then climbs into the driver’s seat. There’s a twenty-four/seven grocery nearby, with enough other things for Hal to get a three-pack of tragic little white briefs and a toothbrush.

It’s a long drive, but once they’re out of town it’s mostly along pleasant rural routes. Dave likes the dark and the quiet out here. He’s used to just settling into the rumble of the engine, but Hal fidgets a little and then asks if Dave minds if he turns on the radio.

“I don’t mind, but out here it’s mostly preachers, bad country, and mariachi music.”

Hal sits in silence for a minute, and then brings out his phone and some kind of adapter. “Can I--?”

“You can play whatever you want, Hal,” Dave says, hoping he won’t make a liar out of himself if Hal likes really brain-drilling techno.

Hal does like techno, but it’s surprisingly congenial techno, and it’s cute when Bell starts to howl along.


	5. Chapter 5

It has been a long time since Hal rode in anything that wasn’t a plane or a cab, and he’s pretty sure he has never been driven anywhere by a… friend? Is that what Dave is now? He hopes so. It’s kind of spooky how dark and quiet it is out here, but Dave seems to know the road really well, and Bell looks ecstatic, panting joyfully and sticking her tiny nose out into the slipstream when Hal cracks the window for her.

By the end of their journey Hal is a little nervous, but he’s more curious. It’s too dark to get a good look at the house, but it seems to be large and relatively tasteful (as far as Hal understands these things), with a vast yard. Dave leads the way through a small ornamental gate and up a wooden walkway to the door, which opens to spill out light and a swarm of several dogs. Bell is barking and leaping so much Hal is worried that she’ll hurt herself, and scrambles to set her on the ground. Her friends are all at least ten times her size, but she runs up to them without an ounce of fear, little tail thwipping from side to side. They lean all the way down to greet her, huskies and retrievers and other types too mixed for Hal to recognize, all of them grinning and wagging.

Dave laughs, grabbing his overnight bag and Hal’s shopping bags, and then wades through the dogs, breaking trail for Hal. Hal collects his phone, leaving the adapter, and follows in Dave’s wake. The dogs are pretty well-behaved, but there’s so many of them and they’re all so excited that Hal needs a second when he gets into the house, just to catch his breath. They’re in a tiny little foyer or something, with a nice wooden bench.

“No shoes in the house,” Dave says, sitting on the bench and pulling his off.

“Get in here, you filthy animals!” a man barks from inside the house, and Hal nearly jumps out of his skin, sternly reminding the treacherous, slinking portion of his libido not to act up. “I mean the dogs!” the man adds, a little more gently, and Dave bursts out laughing.

All of the dogs respond to the summons, surging past them. Hal shuts the door and slides out of his shoes. Dave waits for him, and there’s no way Hal could ever express how grateful he is for that. When Dave takes his hand, he nearly cries. He manages to swallow it back, and lets Dave lead him into a warm, capacious kitchen, where his master is sternly reminding the dogs to behave and sit down as he feeds them each a scrap of meat. Bell sits at the end of the line, upright and alert and _adorable_. It’s ridiculous how tiny she is.

“And of course one for you, princess,” the man says, crouching to offer Bell her treat. 

The first real impression Hal has of him is that he is enormous and that the long, long hair caught at the nape of his neck is true blonde, nothing sandy about it. The second thing that registers are that the fingers feeding Bell are some kind of gorgeous, bleeding-edge tech bionic limb. Once Bell has had her nibble, he stands up and turns toward them and wow, Dave was right. His eyes are covered with a pair of aviators (indoors, _at night_ ) but what’s visible is very beautiful, and lit up with an affable smile.

“Welcome to my home,” he says, and offers Hal his Snake-sized metal hand to shake.

“Hi!” Hal says. It comes out squeakier than he wants it to, but he’s almost too interested in the living metal under his fingers to care.

“Master,” Dave says, setting the bags on the counter, “this is Hal Emmerich. Hal, this is Kazuhira Miller.” Kazuhira is an odd name for someone so blonde, but that seems rude to ask about.

“Kaz, for short,” Kaz adds, and once he and Dave both have their hands free, he pulls his… what is Dave to him? Anyway, Kaz pulls him into a long, tight hug. Not like he’s staking a claim or anything, just like this is what they always do when they see each other.

“So,” Kaz says, releasing Dave, “what are you boys drinking?”

“I don’t really like anything… masculine,” Hal admits, with a self-deprecating little shrug, and Kaz laughs. For a second Hal’s heart stops beating, and then he realizes that it’s a nice laugh.

“Do you like lemonade?”

Hal does like lemonade, and according to Kaz, a whiskey sour is basically that, but with whiskey. He actually squeezes fresh lemons with his bionic hand, and has a jar of simple syrup already. “This is extremely good whiskey,” Kaz says as he measures it into a shaker, “but if you don’t like it, more for me. We can send Dave out for a case of Mike’s Hard.”

“I don’t want to put anyone to any trouble,” Hal says, as Kaz shakes and then pours, and Dave gives him a soothing pat on the shoulder.

“I wouldn’t mind, but you’re probably gonna like these anyway.”

“Thanks for the endorsement, kid,” Kaz says, and hands them each a glass. The concoction is a pale honey-gold color, and when Hal takes a cautious sip, it is basically lemonade with a burn. 

A nice, sweet burn, and he takes another sip, to think about it. “I think I like good whiskey,” he finally says, and Dave and Kaz both laugh. It seems to be the nice, kind, though, and Dave touches Hal’s shoulder like he’s trying to make sure he knows that. Kaz leads the way into the living room, tell them to make themselves comfortable on the couch as he continues on with all the dogs, apparently on his way to the massive backyard, from what he’s saying to the dogs about how they can play together, and to be careful not to hurt Bell.

“They pretty much never have,” Dave assures Hal. “Once Satoko stepped on her ear, but we all know she felt bad about it.”

“...Bell’s pretty brave, isn’t she?” Hal isn’t surprised that a dog that weighs less than most of the poultry people eat is better at standing up for herself than Hal is.

“Chihuahuas tend to be, that’s why so many of them are so awful. You can’t control them with fear, and that’s all a lot of people know how to do. And that’s if they even try.”

“I don’t know a lot about training dogs. Or anything, besides computers, robotics, and anime.” And ruining lives, but he’s still not sure how to tell Dave about that. Or anyone. He kind of wishes Snake had somehow beaten it out of him, that he had just blurted it out through his tears the first or second or thirty-second time Snake made him cry. It’s weird to think about how cruel Snake is to him, when Dave has been so kind. “How.. how did you get into this? Like, dominating people?”

Dave sighs. “Well, I aged out of the foster system only to find out that my biological mother was a former Soviet spy—she’s living in the midwest, really nice lady—and my biological father is a crazy one-eyed sonofabitch with his own nation-state. He built it on nukes, charisma, and a national wetwork industry.”

“Wetwork?”

“Wet like blood. Mercenaries. Thought about joining up, but, well...” He shrugs. “I was in the regular service for a while, and then I got some extra survival training with Master and he helped talk me out of it. I’m glad he did. I didn’t go straight to him for training, but after I had realized I was kinky and could be well-paid for it, I knew that I should seek out professionals I respected. I learned a lot of interesting tricks from other people, but Kaz gave me the important stuff.”

“So you’re not calling him Master right now?” Hal doesn’t want to offend anyone, and just hopes that doesn’t make him ask offensive questions. He takes another sip of his drink.

“I wobble in and out of it,” Dave says, and at least he doesn’t sound mad. “I mostly default that way, but when I’m around a third party and trying to make them _not_ feel like something kinky is going on, I call him by name. Not that the various people he’s trained for various armed forces don’t call him Master Miller, so the whole thing is kind of a gray area.”

Kaz comes back in as Dave is finishing his sentence, and laughs softly. He comes to join them, collecting the shaker on his way and then sitting down on Dave’s other side. “All I know about you, Hal, is that you’re the cute client Dave is worried about. I can’t insist that you fill me in, but I am curious.”

“That’s what she said,” Dave mutters, and laughs as Kaz lightly slaps the back of his head in affectionate irritation.

“Cute?” Hal hears himself ask, and hopes to god he’s not blushing.

“You haven’t told him you think he’s cute, Dave?”

“It didn’t seem like the time, Master,” Dave says quietly, and he _is_ blushing, and that’s one of the strangest and most beautiful things Hal has ever seen.


	6. Chapter 6

“Now, I’m not a couples therapist,” Kaz says, “but Dave has been worried about you since he met you.” Dave is pressed up against his side, Kaz’s arm resting on the back of the couch. It’s embarrassing but he can’t help himself around Kaz, sometimes. He just needs to cuddle close, to take comfort and to give it. He can always feel the way Kaz relaxes with Dave in his arms, and this has the same effect without making Hal feel like as much of a third wheel.

“Uh…” Hal squirms a little, in the adorable way he does, and then says, “if you’re going to ask me personal questions, can I ask how come your name is Kazuhira?”

Kaz chuckles. “Half Japanese,” he says, “it just doesn’t show with the shades on.”

“I can see how the hair would throw people off,” Hal says, and Kaz laughs again.

“It tends to, yeah. Any time I go back home people always try to speak English to me.”

“Why are you wearing sunglasses right now, anyway?” Hal asks. He really is asking Kaz the same stupid questions he always gets, but it’s nice to see how genuine and childlike his curiosity is, and Dave is pleased to see Kaz taking it the right way.

“Photosensitivity,” Kaz says, absently stroking Dave’s hair, petting him as lovingly as he does the dogs. “And now it’s my turn. Why are you going to a dungeon instead of a shrink?”

Hal takes a deep, slightly shaky breath. “I… It’s hard to explain, but… I need to be touched, but I don’t deserve it, and I deserve to be hurt, but can’t actually take myself out of commission.”

“...Jesus, kid, who hurt you?” Kaz asks, and Hal hides his face in his hands. For one horrible moment Dave is sure he’s crying, but after a moment they realize he isn’t. Barely.

“I… I’ve done some… things,” Hal whimpers, and then he is crying. Kaz sighs, studying Hal.

“Hal,” he says, “I’m not going to make you accept anything, but I think you need a hug.” He gives Dave a gentle push, and Dave slowly puts an arm around Hal, giving him plenty of time to object. He doesn’t, but he is tense.

“If you don’t want me touching you, just say so,” Dave says, as gently as he can. 

Hal is frozen for one silent moment, and then he lets out a helpless keening noise, hiding his face in Dave’s chest. Dave holds him close, and everyone just sits there for a while as Hal cries so hard that he’s shaking. He soaks the front of Dave’s shirt in no time, and after a few minutes, Kaz stands up.

“I’m going to go collect the dogs,” he says gently, patting Dave’s unoccupied shoulder. “I’ll be back.”

“Of course, Master,” Dave says, and Kaz pets him again before wandering out to the yard.

Hal whimpers something about being trouble, but Dave just hushes him. He wants to haul Hal onto his lap, but it feels a little presumptuous, and he knows that Hal is terrible at saying no. At least he seems to be comforting Hal. He’s still crying when Kaz gets back with the dogs, but not the hard, wracking sobs he started with. Dave rubs his back and the dogs all slink close, looking worried but like they know their duty. 

Kaz pours himself another drink and sits on the couch again, making a quiet clicking noise and patting his lap for Satoko to come join him. She’s a fifty pound husky, but Kaz lets her pretend to be a lapdog. Bell actually is the right size, and jumps up into Hal’s lap, curling her tiny body up into the hypnotically comforting black near-sphere that always helps when a person feels bad. Hal starts petting her automatically, and sure enough, her tiny, trusting weight starts to calm him down.

“S-sorry,” Hal sniffles, barely audible.

“You’re not doing anything wrong,” Dave says, and strokes his hair as he catches his breath. Hal shoots a shy glance over at Kaz, and Dave follows it and then looks back into Hal’s tear-stained face. “Hal, is it okay if Kaz hugs you too?”

“I, uh… if it’s okay with him?” Hal says, barely audible.

“You bet it’s okay with me, kid,” Kaz says, and Dave can’t help but smile, even with Hal so upset. “Hell,” Kaz adds, signaling Satoko to jump down to the floor, “this way you get the cool robot arm.” It’s true, when he sits down on the other side of Hal, it’s his right arm that wraps around Hal’s skinny waist. Dave can feel Hal tense all over, but he relaxes a little after a moment. Hal is never really used to being touched, especially touched gently.

“It’s okay, kiddo,” Kaz says, his voice in its gentlest register, like he doesn’t even know how to yell. “We’re just going to sit here, okay? You take all the time you need.”

Of course Kaz’s kindness makes Hal cry harder for a little while, but then he starts to relax. Kaz makes soothing noises, and Dave strokes Hal’s hair. Once Satoko has a sense of where everyone has moved to, she hops up into Kaz’s lap again, making him laugh.

“Hey, girl,” he murmurs, and rubs her ears with his free hand as Hal slowly calms down.

“Sorry,” Hal whispers, and Dave tells him again that it’s okay. It really does look like Hal is going to choke on whatever horrible disclosure he has to make. “I will tell you,” he says, “I just… I can’t right now but you’re going to hate me when you know and you’ll hate me more the longer I wait--” he’s starting to get worked up again, and Kaz stops him.

“Hal. Breathe. Now, tell me something: do you drink often?”

“N-not very often, no,” Hal says.

“In that case, may I offer you a shot?” By textbook standards this is a terrible idea, but feeling the tension in Hal’s body, and hearing the raw desperation in his voice as he tries to tell his terrible secret, Dave figures he could use something to ease his nerves.

“I… I guess?”

“No funny business,” Kaz assures him. “And just the one. I want to take the edge off enough so you can say what you need to say, not get you wasted.” Hal nods, and Kaz goes on, “I’d offer you weed, but it might just make you more nervous.”

“It kinda depends on the strain,” Hal says, and Kaz chuckles.

“It does for a lot of people. Now, what’s your preferred poison?”

Kaz pours straight vodka into one of those nice, heavy, cut-glass shot glasses he has. Like a lot of things with Kaz, his shot glasses are either class all the way, or deeply trashy, and the FEMALE BODY INSPECTOR one just doesn’t seem appropriate right now.

“Th-thank you,” Hal says, barely audible as he takes the glass from Kaz’s hand. They’re standing around in the kitchen, which in some ways is more conducive to disclosure than sitting on the couch. Hal doesn’t look at either of them, just locks eyes with the liquor cabinet and downs his vodka. He coughs and makes a classic whiskey face, but holds his empty cup out to Kaz. “Another, please,” he says, soft and hoarse. Kaz studies him for a moment, then seems to decide that even at Hal’s low body weight, two shots will stop short of actual disaster, pouring again.

Hal takes his second shot, and closes his eyes like he’s trying to block out everything. Dave and Kaz have both seen guys get like this, and neither of them makes a sound. It’s a delicate process, nerving yourself up to spit out something toxic.

“I had an affair with my stepmother and my father found out and killed himself. Rolled into the pool in his wheelchair, and he took my stepsister with him. She lived, barely.”

“Holy shit, kid,” Kaz says softly.

“I… I understand if you w-want m-me to l-l-leave now,” Hal whimpers, and bursts into tears, setting his shot glass down and burying his face in his hands.

“We don’t want you to leave,” Kaz says. “It’s not your fault if someone decides to punch their own ticket, and it’s especially not your fault if they drag a kid into it.” Dave is doing some mental math right now, and Kaz must be doing the same, because he asks, “How old were you, Hal?” in the same tone he uses for hurt and scared animals.

“...Fourteen and fifteen,” Hal says softly, and Dave’s blood runs cold.


	7. Chapter 7

Everything is blurry and bright, and it doesn’t have that much to do with the liquor. Hal knows his tolerance for liquor well, and it’s pretty good for such a scrawny nerd, but he kind of feels like he’s in shock or something. Dave puts an arm around him and ushers him over to a wood stove. It’s a nice stove, with deep blue ceramic glaze over it and a beautifully-designed door with glass windows. It’s soothing to watch as Kaz kneels on the tiled hearth in front of it and lights a fire. Hal is cold all over, he could use a fire. It’s terrible when Dave stops holding him, but it’s only for a moment, and he comes back with dogs and blankets, so everything is slightly better now.

“Hal?” Dave asks, tucking a blanket around his shoulders as Bell takes up her position in his lap.

“Yes, sir?” Hal murmurs, and he can’t even be embarrassed about that right now.

“I need you to know that you didn’t do anything wrong,” Dave says, and wraps his arms around Hal. He’s so strong and so warm and forgiving that Hal has no choice but to burst into tears. He clutches at Dave’s shirt, and Dave cradles the back of Hal’s head in his hand. He’s actually rocking Hal a little, which is weird but also very soothing.

“R-really?” Dave is still holding him close, so he probably means it, but it’s just so strange to hear that someone who knows the truth doesn’t blame Hal.

“Really,” Dave says. “You weren’t just a child, you were a child she was supposed to be parenting. Even if you came on to her, it was her job as the adult to say no.”

Hal still feels like he should have been stronger or more virtuous or something, but he’s not in the habit of contradicting Dave, and it feels so impossibly good to be held. The warmth and crackling of the new fire is nice too, and when Kaz sits down on the other side of Hal, he feels strangely safe. And way more tired than he should. His crying slows down into yawning, and Kaz puts the bionic arm around him again. The metal is smooth, a little cooler than body temperature, except for a few patches of heat from the fire. Hal wonders how sensitive it is, too exhausted even to feel awkward about how much he wants to feel up a stranger’s arm. Metal is always so comforting.

“If you’re tired we can put you in the guest room,” Kaz says, and Hal nods. He isn’t sure what kind of reaction this is, but it makes sense that coughing up a secret that he’s kept for nine years would take a lot out of him. “I’ll go make sure it’s warm enough,” Kaz tells Dave, and then vanishes, one of the huskies clicking after him as the rest of the dogs settle into a pile on the hearth.

“Will you come with me?” Hal asks Dave.

“To tuck you in and give you some cuddles?” Dave asks, and Hal can feel himself blushing.

“Y-yeah,” he says, and Dave strokes his hair.

“You’re a sweetheart, Hal, and I like you. So yeah, of course I will.”

“Th-thank you, sir. I shouldn’t call you that when you’re off the clock, sorry.”

“Hal, we can keep working together,” Dave says, “but I don’t want to talk to you the way I have been anymore. I can tell it just hurts you in a bad way. Even a punishment is supposed to eventually help.”

Hal whines sharply, humiliated by the noise but unable to help himself, shaking. “I… I don’t know what hurting me in a g-good way would be l-like.”

“That’s something we can explore together, if you want,” Dave says, and Hal bites back another whine, trembling all over. The idea is equal parts enticing and terrifying. “Nothing of the kind is happening tonight,” Dave says, and Hal is a little shocked at what a relief that is, especially since it doesn’t translate to Dave letting go of him. “Tonight you’re getting some rest, and tomorrow we’re negotiating the changes we need to make.”

“O-okay,” Hal whispers, and Dave hugs him.

“You’ve been really brave today, Hal. Thank you so much for trusting us.”

“I can’t believe you don’t think I’m a monster,” Hal says, and Dave sighs.

“It’ll just keep being true, there’s time for it to sink in later.”

“Okay,” Hal whispers. “Sorry.”

Dave just hushes him and hugs him tightly. “I may be off the clock, but you know what, Hal?”

“W-what, sir?” Hal has to suppose that that ‘sir’ is okay. Hopefully Dave will tell him if it’s not.

“You’re a good boy,” Dave says, and the words make something inside Hal twist painfully. He can’t help making some pathetic little noise, and Dave just hugs him again. “You’re a good boy, Hal, and it breaks my heart that you don’t know it.” Nine years ago _she_ had called him ‘good boy,’ but she hadn’t said it like this, all… pure? There’s something more sincere than Hal can bear in Dave’s voice. He’s not teasing at all, and that makes all the difference.

“I’m sorry, sir,” Hal whimpers, starting to cry again, and Dave hushes him and kisses the top of his head. The touch is so brief it’s almost imaginary, but Hal’s heart nearly stops anyway.

“I’m so sorry that I let you hurt yourself any more than you already had been,” Dave says, and that purring voice of his is so tender that it’s almost more than Hal can stand. 

It’s just so weird and so good to be close to Dave like this, to have that strength and scent wrapped around him, to feel the steady beat of his heart. Hal doesn’t ever want it to end, but of course Kaz comes back, greeting the dogs that didn’t accompany him and then standing by the couch to ruffle Dave’s hair.

“Hey, kids,” he says. “Come on, I’ve got somewhere comfortable to put Hal.”

The thought of having a place is incredibly soothing, but the thought of Kaz having to do extra work just to help Hal is the exact opposite. They sort of cancel each other out, and when Dave helps Hal up he just stands there feeling like an idiot for a long moment and then asks, “...Can Dave come with me? I-if he wants, I mean.”

“He does want,” Dave says, and pulls Hal into his arms again.

“There’s plenty of room for both of you,” Kaz says, and then turns and leads them across the living room and then upstairs, all the dogs following them this time, a happy swarm of clicking claws and wagging tails. “Only Satoko is well-behaved enough to stay off a bed when I’m trying to make it, that’s why she was the one to supervise the job.”

Sure enough, the dogs all leap onto the bed the second they get into the room, and even Hal has to let out a watery and exhausted laugh at the innocent way all seven of them look at Kaz. “Off, you mangy animals,” Kaz says, and they obey his gesture, gathering around his legs and nudging his hands to demand affection. Hal sits on the edge of the bed and then wonders how much he’s supposed to undress. “I’ll let you get comfortable,” Kaz says. “I’m right down the hall if you boys need anything. Goodnight.”

The room is very quiet once Kaz leaves, because all the dogs go with him. Dave sits next to Hal, and puts his arm around him again. Hal leans into the embrace and lets out a sigh that he can’t help.

“It’s okay, Hal.” 

Hal nuzzles his face into Dave’s chest, still amazed to be so close to his heart, to have those strong arms around him. To have anyone know the truth and not push him away. He’s starting to feel a little less shocky, but with that comes complete fatigue. He stretches his jaw in a huge yawn, and Dave chuckles.

“Sleepy creature, huh?” Dave murmurs.

“Yeah,” Hal says, and then, “I don’t know how much to undress.”

“You shouldn’t sleep in your only shirt, you’ll get that nasty ring around the collar,” Dave says, and then grips the hem of it. “May I?” he asks.

Hal’s heart nearly stops, and he says, “Yes,” just loud enough for Dave to hear. Dave thanks him politely, and then pulls his shirt up and off. The shock of cool air on his skin isn’t what makes Hal shiver. Dave kisses the top of Hal’s head and then gets up and goes to the dresser. He really must spend a lot of time here, he gets the right drawer on the first try, and pulls out a huge pair of sweatpants.

“Here,” Dave says, bringing them over. “These will keep you warm.”

It’s not like Dave hasn’t seen him naked and hard, but it’s still really embarrassing to slither out of the rest of his clothes. He’s only like that for a moment, pulling on the sweatpants immediately, and Dave doesn’t stare and he doesn’t look away like Hal is disgusting. By the time Hal is dressed for bed, he’s trembling all over, and Dave hugs him again.

“It’s okay, Hal,” he says softly. “You’re safe here.” Hal nods, but clings desperately to Dave anyway. Dave holds him for a while longer, and then tenderly presses Hal back onto the mattress and literally tucks him in. It might be simultaneously the weirdest and most soothing thing that has ever happened to Hal.

“You get some rest, sweetheart. We’ll talk in the morning.”

“Yes, sir,” Hal whispers, and Dave kisses his forehead.

“Such a good boy,” he says softly, and then stands and makes his quiet way to the door. He leaves the light on, and Hal is more comforted by that than he really should be.


	8. Chapter 8

Dave pauses in the hallway to catch his breath. His heart actually aches, and he goes straight to Kaz’s room because he needs his Master. As usual, Kaz seems to know that. When Dave obeys his order to come in, he finds Kaz lounging on top of the covers of his neatly-made bed, dogs forming a pile around him. Kaz gives Dave the hand signal to kneel, and Dave drops to the floor, so grateful to be there that it surprises him, even now.

“Forward,” Kaz tells him, and then, “up,” once he has crawled to the foot of the bed. The dogs shift out of his way, used to Dave moving among them. “Come to me,” Kaz says, and gently pats his chest. This is an invitation for Dave to crawl on top of him and sprawl there like a blanket, and Dave does, glad as always that his master is physically robust enough for him to do this. “Poor little thing,” Kaz mutters, ruffling Dave’s hair. “I knew you were in a mess, but I didn’t see just how much of one until tonight.”

“Sir, I’m sorry, sir,” Dave says, and presses a tentative kiss to the underside of Kaz’s jaw.

“At ease, soldier, this was well above your pay grade.” Kaz lazily strokes Dave’s hair, winding a few locks around his fingers. “I’ll help you with your boy. And don’t say that he’s not your boy, you’re not a fool.”

“Sir, feel like a fool, sir,” Dave mumbles into the hollow of Kaz’s throat, and Kaz laughs.

“Sweet boy, no one would have expected this.”

“I knew he was blaming himself for something, I just… fuck, Master. I must’ve made it so much worse.”

“I don’t know about that, kiddo. You gave him structure, and limits, and rules. He could’ve really hurt himself without you, or with someone less scrupulous.”

“He was with Wolf before me.”

Kaz sucks his teeth, well able to understand the effect Wolf would have had on a guy like Hal. “Oh dear.”

“Yeah. And I just… I really like him, Master. A lot.”

Kaz chuckles. “Believe me, I can tell.” He kisses the top of Dave’s head, breathing in his scent. “And I’ll be here for you, whatever happens.”

They lie there in silence for a little longer, and then Kaz gently prods Dave off of him so he can go take a leak. Dave uses the time to pet the dogs and calm himself down a little more. By the time Kaz comes back, Dave feels ready to go check on Hal. Kaz walks him there, flesh arm around his shoulders. They pause in the doorway and Dave nestles his face in Kaz’s neck as his master holds him tightly. In Japanese that Dave can barely hear, Kaz assures him that everything will be all right, something he almost never does because only a fool makes promises in such an uncertain universe.

Dave wouldn’t have left Hal’s side if the poor guy hadn’t been reasonably calm, but that seems to be over now. Instead of the easy breathing he was hoping for, Dave hears quiet sobbing from the bed.

“Shit,” Dave mutters, and goes in to find Hal curled into a tight, miserable ball. He’s crying so hard he’s shaking, but he’s barely making a sound. He lets out a piteous yelp when Dave sits on the bed, and Dave sighs. “Hey. I’m not going to hurt you. I’m just gonna pet you.” He suits actions to words, stroking Hal’s hair. “Tell me what upset you as soon as you can, okay?”

“Y-yessir,” Hal sniffles, and then just cries harder for a while. Kaz pulls a slow fade into the hallway, as Dave would expect under the circumstances. He can’t help but miss his master, but at least a few of the dogs stay, waiting for Dave’s signal before hopping onto the bed and cuddling up to Hal. They’re well-trained, used to Kaz’s and Dave’s different flavors of PTSD freakout. Hal whimpers, but starts to pet Yumeko, who is nuzzling her black muzzle in under Hal’s chin. She licks him until he squirms and giggles through his tears, gently pushing her head away.

Dave smiles, still stroking Hal’s hair as he looks up with wide, red-rimmed eyes. “Hey,” he says softly, and Hal smiles back, watery but genuine.

“H-hey. Sorry, sir.”

“You seemed calm or I wouldn’t have left. What happened?”

“I… she used to say I was a good boy,” Hal whispers, and Dave would swear his heart stops for a moment.

“Hal, I’m so sorry,” he says, because that’s all he can say. He can finally fucking praise Hal, and the most basic assurance has been twisted..

“I kind of like the way you say it,” Hal says, and the pain and confusion in his tone is unbearable. “I… I miss her, sometimes,” he whispers, another terrible confession. “I know it was wrong, but...”

“Hal, that’s pretty normal,” Dave says. “Kaz says your first love is always special, no matter how fucked up it turns out to be in retrospect.”

“No one else held me,” Hal whispers, and Dave winces.

“Jesus,” he says, and hugs Hal more tightly. “I won’t call you my good boy if it scares you, but if you like it, that’s okay too.”

“Okay,” Hal whispers, and just clings to Dave for a long time, all crunched over Dave’s heart. Dave is glad that he has the dogs to help him warm Hal and hold him here.

“You should think about good things I can call you,” Dave says. “Things that make you feel safe.”

“Okay,” Hal says, barely audible because his face is tucked into the crook of Dave’s neck.

After they’ve been quiet and calm for a while, Dave asks Hal what he likes for breakfast, and Hal actually laughs. “I eat whatever is around. Or nothing. I skip breakfast a lot.”

“It’s the most important meal of the day,” Dave grumbles, and Hal laughs again.

“I like pancakes? Like, if they’re not too much trouble.”

“They are not too much trouble,” Dave tells him.

“E.E. makes me a Pop-Tart when she’s around,” Hal offers, and Dave groans.

“Toaster pastries do not count, Hal. And you’re probably also getting some eggs. Kaz believes in protein.”

“Okay,” Hal says softly, and sighs. He’s probably exhausted from all the crying, and sure enough in another moment he’s yawning. “Will… will you stay with me this time, sir?”

“Yeah, I will. I just thought you might need some space, and I definitely needed to talk to Kaz.”

“Sorry if I’m in the way.”

“You are not in the way, Hal. I’m so fucking happy to have you here, you don’t even know.”

“R-really?”

“Yeah,” Dave murmurs, kissing the top of Hal’s head, “really. Besides, Kaz likes to cook for people.” He switches off the light hand talks Hal down to sleep with a few stories about out of the way dishes Kaz has learned to make, and then lies there staring at the ceiling, feeling Hal’s slow heartbeat against his chest. A faint sound by the door makes the dogs look up, and Dave does the same, not surprised to see Kaz opening the door just a crack to look in, glasses off in the dark. Dave smiles, and puts a finger to his lips as Hal snores delicately just once, adjusting the position of his head a little in his sleep.

The dogs hop down and go to join Kaz, who opens the door enough to let them out into the hallway, and then blows Dave a kiss and makes his way back down the hall, canine claws clicking along behind him. It would be nice to go with them, to form a big pile on the floor with the pack, or be held in Kaz’s one arm like a human, but it’s nice to lie here with Hal. He’s so light, and so beautifully relaxed. Dave wishes he had left the lamp on to admire him, but he doesn’t switch it back on. He might not be able to sleep, but that’s no reason to wake Hal up.

Dave slows his breathing and finally drops off, lazily stroking Hal’s hair. He wakes up at the crack of dawn, a habit his body can’t break. There are birds singing outside, and Hal is out like a light. He doesn’t so much as twitch as Dave eases his way out from under him. He looks younger in his sleep, and Dave carefully tucks the blanket around him so he stays warm. Padding out into the hallway, he can hear Kaz talking to the dogs in Japanese, informing them that they are ridiculous creatures that no, they will not die of waiting for him to get his leg working. Dave grabs his shirt from last night and goes to find his master. It’s a beautiful morning, and a run with the dogs sounds like exactly what he needs.


	9. Chapter 9

Hal wakes up very slowly, and as he does, he realizes that he’s clinging to what he thinks is a dream. That he is actually waking up in Snake’s arms, and knowing that Snake’s real name is Dave, is like waking up to a snowstorm of ice cream in July. He presses himself in as close to Dave’s heartbeat as he can get. Dave is on his back, and most of Hal’s scrawny upper body is resting on his chest. It feels like miles of warm skin, and the whole world rises and falls a little with Dave’s breath. Hal isn’t a really great judge of character, but he’s pretty sure he knows where those times Snake is gentle with him come from. 

“Dave?” Hal finally murmurs, “Are you awake?” 

“Yep,” Dave rumbles. “Went for a run with Kaz and the dogs, had some breakfast.” Hal wonders if he’s going to die of embarrassment at long last, thinking about how fit Dave is, and how he’s a real grownup who wakes up in the morning while Hal is stuck being himself. 

“Uh. Okay,” Hal says, blushing. “Comfortable?” 

“Yep.” He strokes Hal’s hair and they lie there for another few minutes. At last Hal needs to pee too badly to delay any further, and he hops up and thankfully finds his way to an en suite he didn’t notice last night. By the time he comes out, Dave is fully dressed again, and that’s a little heartwrenching but not surprising. He hands Hal a huge t-shirt to go with his borrowed sweatpants. It says AND I STILL RUN BETTER THAN THE GOVERNMENT on the front and something about a 10k fun run for the Wounded Warrior Project. Once Hal is wrapped up in its soft vastness, Dave takes Hal’s hand and leads him downstairs. 

“So you guys already ate?” Hal asks, trying not to have a heart attack at the miracle of Dave’s thick fingers between his own. “I can just make myself some cereal, don’t worry about me.” 

Dave snorts derisively, and for a horrible moment Hal thinks that it’s at the idea of considering him for a moment. “Please, Kaz would never stand for that under his roof. Besides, all we had was ochazuke, it’s pretty light.” 

“Is that the thing where you put green tea on leftover rice and eat it like cereal?” Hal hopes to a god he doesn’t believe in that it is the thing where you put green tea on leftover rice and eat it like cereal. 

“Yeah, Kaz makes it with bonito flakes, some dashi in the tea, spring onions, and furikake; it’s really good.” The relief at being right is ridiculous, and being embarrassed about that is a whole other mess. 

By now they’re downstairs, in the bright kitchen, and Kaz is standing at the stove, raising a spatula in greeting. “Dave said you like pancakes,” he says, and Hal does his best not to burst into tears. _Again_. 

“Y-yeah,” he manages to say, and then, “any kind,” because it’s true. 

“And bacon?” he asks. Hal has a very good opinion of bacon, and Kaz laughs when he says so, starting to fry that thick, artisanal-looking bacon that Hal keeps meaning to try and never buying. Hal is also okay with eggs, though he wonders how he’s going to manage this much food. Dave sits him down at the kitchen table and sets out plates, utensils, orange juice, and two kinds of syrup. 

“Birch and rosehip,” Dave says, setting the bottles down, “but I think he has some maple if you want it.” 

“I’ve never tried either,” Hal says, “and I’m curious.” 

Dave nods. “Good plan,” he says, “they’re fucking delicious.” 

As they wait for the bacon, Kaz expounds upon the essence of a good western-style breakfast being timing. He doesn’t seem to have many settings between ‘off’ and ‘rant’, but Hal has known a few guys like that, they’re usually all right. Kaz is a total unknown quantity as some kind of functional adult kinkster with a house and the ability to cook without reading directions off the back of a box. And to train dogs. The whole pack is lurking around, but they’re not really underfoot, and they’re being very polite for a large number of dogs in the presence of sizzling bacon. After making sure his master doesn’t need any help, Dave sits down beside Hal, and chuckles as Bell leaps up into his lap, tail wagging. 

“Hey, princess,” he coos, and Hal can’t stop watching how gentle those big hands are as Dave strokes her ears. He wants to be touched like that, and his skin burns with how little he deserves it. Well. How little he thinks he deserves it. He doesn’t even know what to think anymore, so he just sips his juice and listens to Dave and Kaz talk about the dogs and the day and how the pancakes are coming along. 

The pancakes are coming along very well, and soon Hal has a short stack to prove it. The top one has a bunny on it. Kaz took the trouble to drip the design into the pan and then poured the rest of the cake after it was set, and now Hal is gazing down into a plate of pancake art. 

“What’s wrong?” Dave asks, coming to the table with his own plate. 

“I...” Hal feels like he’s going to cry over a fucking pancake bunny, and can only hope that Dave has warned Kaz about how pathetic he is. “Thank you, Kaz,” he whispers, “for the bunny.” 

“You’re welcome, kiddo,” Kaz says in the same gentle voice he used last night, placing the last cake onto his own stack. He brings his plate and the eggs to the table, gesturing for Dave to fetch the bacon, which he does. The dogs are filled with interest, but sit quietly, save for the occasional beseeching whine. “There will be bacon,” Kaz tells them, “but not until later. You know that.” 

“So, uh...” Hal says, after eating the bunny pancake with rose hip syrup and one of the eggs, swallowing around the lump in his throat, “what are we doing today?” 

Kaz smiles. “Whatever we want. I’m an old man, I potter around and repair things, sometimes I make Dave dance with me just to be sure I remember how, there’s a garden to waste time in, and you can use my computer if you’re going into withdrawal.” 

Hal wonders if everyone in the world just looks at him and _knows_ about those times he peed in a bottle instead of getting up. He can’t do that kind of thing anymore, he has E.E. to look after. “I, uh, do have messages to check.” That some of them are on a Gundam fan board doesn’t need to be said. 

Dave just smiles, and passes Hal the plate of bacon. “Eat first,” he says, and when Hal mutters, “yes, sir,” they’re both polite enough to pretend not to notice it. 

Kaz actually has a desktop computer in a home office, like people with good sleep hygiene are supposed to do, and after everyone is stuffed with breakfast and all the dishes are at least rinsed, he leads Hal to it and sits him down in the huge, ridiculously comfortable swivel chair. There’s a mousepad on either side of the keyboard, probably to accommodate lefthand use when Kaz doesn’t have his incredibly cool bionic arm on. 

“Use my favorites for porn,” Kaz says, metal hand resting on the back of the chair, “I know all those sites are clean.” 

Hal can feel himself flushing bright red. “Kaz, I wouldn’t--” 

“I say that to everyone,” Kaz says, patting his shoulder. Kaz leans around him to unlock the computer, and for a moment Hal can smell him and that’s uncomfortable because of how pleasant it is. It only lasts a moment, and then Kaz is standing up straight again, the screen displaying a gorgeous winter scene that doesn’t look like any of the usual stock ones. “I trust you to find your way around,” Kaz says, as Hal takes in the snowy trees under a blazing green aurora. “Stay the hell out of my documents.” 

“Yessir,” Hal actually does say, this time, and Kaz chuckles.

“Thanks, Hal.” 

As Kaz leaves the office, Hal examines his setup. He either knows what he’s doing is or is willing to pay someone to know it for him. He has a solid VPN in place, and everything runs smoothly and quickly. There’s a quality webcam on top of the monitor, physically blocked with a cartoon plastic eye that might have once been a cheap pin or a hair ornament, it’s hard to say. 

Kaz’s tech is as hard to figure as anything else about him. There’s an actual reel-to-reel tape recorder in here, digital conversion made possible by an arrangement that makes Hal’s brain hurt a little to look at it. It’s like something a music producer would have, and that almost makes sense with Kaz’s general... Kaz-ness, but none of the random files scattered on the desktop seem very musical. They’re cryptic little text files that are just named after dates. There are some sound files, but their titles aren’t much more descriptive, usually a location and a date. A lot of the locations seem to be Japanese train stations, and he isn’t sure what to make of that.


	10. Chapter 10

Once Kaz has Dave's boy set up in the office, he goes to find his own precious boy. Dave is in the kitchen, doing dishes by hand because he needs something to do. He must really be worried, staring down into the basin with that intensity. Kaz comes up behind Dave and wraps his arms around his waist, feeling the thrumming energy of his vitality and his nervousness.

"How are you doing?" he asks softly, and Dave sighs, leaning back against him, forcing himself to relax a little.

"Mostly okay, I guess," he mutters. "Master, am I fucked?"

"You might be," Kaz concedes. He was definitely fucked the second Dave showed up. He remembers it well, that helpless and desperate sense of falling in love as a terrible idea. At least Hal isn't the biological son of Dave's great abusive life-ruining love, that has to help. (Now is not the time for Kaz to worry that he's Dave's great abusive life-ruining love. He saves that for when he can't sleep at three to five a.m.)

"Thank you, master," Dave says, sounding amused. He rinses the last plate and puts it in the rack, then turns around in Kaz's arms and clings to him. Kaz holds him close and nuzzles into his hair for a while, always so soothed by Dave's scent and the weight of him in his arms.

"Remember that first email I sent you?" Dave asks, and Kaz grimaces, because yes, he does. His drunken response is not one of his proudest moments. He had already trained Dave in field survival, one of those aboveboard gigs that keeps the IRS and everyone else off his back, so it wasn't out of the blue, but was even less of a good idea than that would have been. As it was, he had fired back something about how Dave should find someone younger and healthier, and then spent the next hour being tormented by all the memories he had already had on file of Dave filthy and panting on his hands and knees, covered with scratches from hauling his stupid perfect body through the underbrush.

"Of course I do, but I prefer to remember other things." Once he had worn Kaz down enough to take him on, Dave had been so anxious to please, so sweet and unbearably tender. Kaz hadn't dared touch him in a way he couldn't do in a public dungeon for six months under the same roof, and for an inveterate slut like Kaz that has to be some kind of record. He had done his best to be a sort of fatherly and even-tempered version of the Hellmaster, almost afraid to breathe on the small miracle of Dave deciding to get out of the war machine while still relatively unscathed. There are no unwounded soldiers, but Dave is so close to it that the gratitude is physically painful at times like this, a vicious, tight ache around Kaz's heart.

"I was so happy when you let me watch you sleep," Dave says, and Kaz sighs.

"When you say it like that I sound paranoid."

Dave snickers. "Master, it's not paranoia if they are out to get you."

"Point," Kaz murmurs, and nuzzles his face into Dave's hair. 

"Master, if I am fucked, what should I do?"

"If you want to keep this boy and he wants to be kept, I'll help you," he says, and Dave turns in his arms, kissing him and then cuddling close.

"I know you will," he murmurs, resting his head on Kaz's left shoulder. The right one is a little too hard for most people, makes them feel like their cheekbones are going to wear through the skin. Kaz kisses the top of Dave's head and holds him close, feeling the beat of his heart.

They stand there for so long that there's a clicking of dog claws and then Hal's voice, saying, "So, should I leave you alone, then?" in the most pathetically diffident way Kaz has ever heard. It's enough to make him glad that Hal probably only knows weeb Japanese, without access to the depths of self-effacement the language allows.

"No," Kaz says, still holding Dave, "you shouldn't. Come and sit at the table." Kaz has learned over a lifetime that most anxious people actually respond very well to orders that are gently given and easy to follow, and Hal proves to be no exception, seating himself at the kitchen table and letting Bell jump up into his lap, where she curls into a ball.

"Me too, master?" Dave asks, and Kaz kisses the top of his head.

"Yes, precious boy," he says, and lets Dave go. Once they're situated at the table, Kaz is glad to see that Dave has pulled himself together.

"Is there more coffee?" Hal asks, and Kaz pours him a cup, adding milk and sugar and coming around to hand it to him as Dave gathers his thoughts.

"We have some very important negotiation to do, Hal," Dave says, his voice soft and steady just like Kaz taught him to make it. "I know we did some of that back at Zanzibarland, but there's a difference between personal and professional, and we are long past professional."

"I... really?" God, the look on the kid's face is heartbreaking. Kaz feels like he shouldn't be seeing this, but he's anxious to see how everything goes, and no one has asked him to fuck off. "You... you know what happened with Wolf." 

"I know," Dave says, and takes the kid's hand. "I know this is probably confusing after she had to reinforce her boundaries like that, but I like you a lot and want to get to know you better. On my time, not the dungeon’s."

Hal looks bowled over, but not in a bad way. He looks at Dave's hand on his and then back to Dave's face, like he can't believe it.. "This is a lot," he says, a cogent observation that makes Kaz feel a little better about this whole thing.

"It is," Dave says, "and we'll go at your pace, but there are some things we need to know about each other."

"Okay," Hal says, and then glances over at Kaz.

"I can leave at any time," Kaz tells him. "Just let me know when you want more privacy."

"I think I feel better with you here," Hal says, and Kaz smiles, surprised and touched.

"Okay, kid," he says, and sips his coffee. Dave looks over at Kaz, and gives him that little Snake smile that's all in the eyes. It helps a little that Dave still has both of them, and it helps a lot that he's not a psycho who only gets that gleam in his eyes from getting punched in the face or stealing a truck full of smuggled rifles. Or nukes. Or whatever. Christ, that man is insane.

"Kaz is good to have around," Dave says, snapping him back to the present, and then turns back to Hal. "Hal," Dave says, "What have you liked and not liked about our time together?"

"Uh..." Hal stares down into his coffee. "I like... I like being together. I like being touched. I like that you put me where you want me, and that you want me anywhere at all."

Jesus, the kid really is a walking tragedy. Kaz takes a sip of his coffee while Dave does his best to process that answer. "So... just the physical contact and personal focus, or also the restraints?"

Hal blushes and bites his lip and Kaz is a filthy, filthy old goat. It's worse knowing that the kid's stepmother went after him and that apparently no one ever bothered to explain that she was the one doing something wrong. "I... I think I like the restraints?"

"Remember that 'I don't know' is an acceptable answer," Kaz says gently, and Hal's flush deepens.

"Yeah, I... I guess I don't know? Like, it's kind of comforting, but it's not comfortable, most of the time. I guess... can we figure that out more?"

"Of course we can, Hal," Dave says, and he's doing a very good job of keeping the heartbreak from overwhelming him. Kaz has seen some pretty tragic cases, but he just wants to wrap Hal up in a warmed blanket and sing him Japanese lullabies. Little weeb would probably love that, come to think of it. He'll have to teach Dave a few.

"Thank you," Hal whispers, and then, "...c-can I hold your hand while we talk?" The raw bravery in that wrings Kaz's heart all over again. This fucking kid. Dave is in deep trouble this time.

"Yeah," Dave says, and reaches across the table, taking Hal's slender little tool-callused hand in his own capable paw.

"I... What do you like? About our time together?" Kaz hides his grin behind his coffee cup. Maybe there's some hope for the kid after all.

Dave blushes slightly, and it's cute as hell. "I like picking you up and moving you. I like restraining you in place, I like sneaking up on you and making you jump, and I like hitting you just a little. Soft floggers, stuff that doesn't hurt you so much."

"Okay." Hal nods, with that adorable R and D look on his face like his brain is taking notes.

"I don't like being cruel to you," Dave says, "especially the things I've been saying."

Kaz can see Hal realizing afresh that these are the things he paid Dave to say to him. "I'm sorry!" he whimpers, and it really is a testament to Dave's self control that he just keeps holding the kid's hand and saying soothing things, instead of hauling Hal across the table and into his lap. After a moment, Kaz puts his hand over their joined ones.

"You're doing good work, boys," he says. "How about we move to the couch and take a few minutes?"

The proposal is unanimously accepted, and soon Kaz has them both out on the couch, snugged up close together and book-ended by dogs while he puts on some quiet music and brings everyone more coffee.


	11. Chapter 11

This is an important conversation, but an exhausting one. Dave has had some difficult negotiation sessions in his life, but there's such a wilderness of things Hal doesn't know. He isn't sure what kinds of pain he likes but he does like it a little, he isn't sure what kind of restraints he likes, but he does like being restrained. He doesn't think he can take a lot of praise yet but he'll try to get more comfortable with it, and almost every roleplay scenario is a big question mark. Dave finally gets to tell Hal how much he enjoys providing aftercare, and he promises to accept more of it in the future, big grey eyes wide and solemn. 

By the time they've hashed out what they'll be doing now, which is hanging out on Dave's weekend and getting to know each other better with regular calls to check in between whiles, he actually feels slightly dizzy. It's some awful mix of emotional exhaustion and top drop and he feels like he never wants to speak or think again. Kaz sees it, the way he always does, and puts a hand on the back of Dave's neck. 

"Okay," Kaz says, and Dave leans back a little into the warmth of his touch. "At this point on a normal weekend, Dave and I would probably play. We don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I can tell that my boy needs some time to relax." 

"Please, don't let me get in the way! I can just read or something, or you can put a sock on the door, or--" 

Kaz laughs. "Not just like that, though. Sometimes Dave likes to be one of my dogs," here Dave can't help a hopeful whine, looking up at Kaz as Kaz pets him, "and that involves a lot of walking and playing and napping and other things. If we feel like going to my bedroom, we will, but otherwise, will you be okay?" 

"...Uh, yeah. I think so," Hal says, and then blushes again, looking at Dave. "Are you going to be wearing any clothes?" 

"Don't usually," Dave admits, trying to keep his voice from going all gravelly. 

"Okay," Hal whispers. It actually makes Dave feel better to think that he's evening something up, that after making Hal strip all those times the poor guy will finally get to see Dave naked. Or nearly so, Kaz usually puts something on him so he can go outside without getting bug bites on his taint. 

With that settled, Kaz lays down the rules of Dave's time as a dog. Petting him and playing with him like a real dog is fine, and just like a real dog he cannot talk or use his thumbs. He knows most commands in English and Japanese, and the actual dogs are pretty used to him code-switching like this. Dave can always talk to say his safeword, but he probably won't need it today. It's 'iroquois,' for future reference. 

Hal seems more than a little dazed as well, and is very glad to change into his clothes from yesterday and go back to the office for a while. The internet can be a powerful narcotic, and Dave certainly isn't going to start fucking with one of the only coping mechanisms Hal has. Dave isn't really sure he can get into the right headspace, but he trusts Kaz, who takes his hand and leads him to the bedroom, where he turns off the lights and has Dave kneel on the floor. 

"Close your eyes," Kaz says, and he does. It's a good first step toward becoming Kaz's dog, since canines are so much more invested in sound and smell than the average human. He takes in the sounds and scents of the room and does his best to think about nothing. It's even harder than usual, and meditation never was Dave's strong suit, but he pulls in all the scents of the room, Kaz’s preferred cleaning products and his own soap and his own scent under the soap and the soft, slightly dusty smell of one of the first truly warm days of spring. The comforting sounds of Kaz collecting the various physical components of Dave’s dog self helps, and a moment later Kaz comes over and puts one of his dirty shirts into Dave's lap, enveloping him completely in the scent of Kaz, not just the soft hints all over the room. This always makes things easier, and when Kaz says to open his eyes, Dave doesn't really want to. He does anyway, and Kaz smiles down at him. 

"Why is a puppy wearing clothes?" he asks, and Dave grins at him, wriggling out of his clothes and leaving them in a neat pile on the floor beside him. He pants slightly, looking up at Kaz for approval, which Kaz is happy to supply, ruffling Dave's hair and telling him what a good boy he is in the happy, light tone people use with good dogs. 

"You ready for your ears?" Kaz coos, and Dave wriggles his hips, feeling the urge to wag even without his tail. "Yeah, you're ready for your ears," Kaz says, amused and affectionate as he puts them on Dave. They're grey and upright, since Dave's dog accessories are technically wolf ones, and the weight of them on his head is so comforting. He makes a happy little yipping noise and nuzzles Kaz's thigh. Kaz pets him a bit longer, and then puts on his tail. They don't use one attached to a plug, since the positioning always seems awkward, and Dave is particularly glad of it today, because that will be less alarming for Hal. 

The mitts are the next thing after the ears, and Kaz coos nonsense to Dave in Japanese the whole time, carefully lacing them onto his hands, making very sure that they're comfortable. Once they're on, Dave paws the floor and then makes a little play bow, panting lightly. Kaz laughs, and kisses the tip of his nose. "Precious dog," he says, and then finally buckles Dave's collar on. It's black leather, worn to perfect comfort, with Dave's own dog tags from his time in the service hooked to it. 

By the time everything is in place, Dave's mind has slid to where he wants it to be. He frisks around on all fours to get the feel of it again and just for pure joy, and then follows Kaz's little clicking noise and hand gesture, preceding him out of the room. The other dogs are happy to see their good friend Floor Dave once more, and come swarming around him, snuffling at him and licking his face. Dave makes happy growling noises and soon has a three-way wrestling match going with Satoko and Bulgolgi, so named for the way Kaz always threatened to dispose of him before he finally calmed down and stopped barking so much. 

Dave is busy playing, but he does notice Kaz leave the room, and is glad when he comes back. Dave is fucking ecstatic to see Hal again, and scampers up to him, barely hearing the small voice of his normal self telling him to be cool. The dog knows the truth, that Hal is pretty and smells good and that he wants to touch him and is so happy he's here with Master and and and-- he actually runs in a circle, and Hal laughs. It’s a beautiful sound, and Dave wags his tail. 

"Told you he was cute like this," Kaz says, leaning against the doorjamb to watch them. 

Hal just stands there for a moment, confused, and then tentatively reaches out to stroke Dave's hair. Dave pants and wags, and soon Hal is kneeling on the floor to ruffle his hair with both hands, gently scratching behind his dog ears and rubbing his neck and shoulders. It feels wonderful, and Dave leans into it, making happy little rumbles. The other dogs want cuddles too, of course, and they come over and nose at Hal's hands. Dave is not jealous and mean and does not snap. Everyone likes cuddles. The dogs also swarm Kaz, and for a while it's just a forest of wagging tails and Hal's soft, happy laughter. 

"You feel up for a walk?" Kaz asks Hal. 

"I guess, if it's not too far. Or too wet, I've only got tennis shoes." 

"Should be dry this time of year," Kaz says. Dave whines quietly and wags, hoping that the most wonderful thing in the world will happen and _everyone will go for a walk_. 

The most wonderful thing in the world _does_ happen, and Dave can barely hold still long enough for Kaz to coat him with bug spray, and then help him into a pair of cutoffs because verisimilitude is one thing, and thorns in your scrotum is another. Besides, it's not like the other dogs never wear clothes. Bell has jackets for cold weather and Bulgogi has a weighted one to calm him down, Dave's cutoffs fit right in. Kaz explains as much to Hal as he makes sure that Dave's genitals are comfortable, since he currently has no hands to adjust himself. There has always been something Dave loves about Kaz’s touch like this, so cool and matter-of-fact, almost like a judge with a show dog, but still gentle, and so intimate. It’s probably something about the vulnerability of being soft, and Kaz’s ability to be just brisk enough to make sure Dave stays that way without turning him off entirely.


	12. Chapter 12

It's so weird how normal everything starts to feel. Dave really is just like one of the dogs running along in front of them, sniffing at things and occasionally eating wild plants. Hal would worry, but Dave was trained in wilderness survival by the man walking beside Hal, and he doesn't seem worried. He's also way nicer than Hal would have expected about stopping to rest. Hal supposes it gives the dogs more time to snuffle around. Dave climbs a few trees, since even with the mitts on, he's still way better at it than a real dog. Hal does his best not to check Dave out too obviously, but as he watches Dave climbing another tree, entranced by the sway of his hips and the geometrical perfection of that ass, Kaz puts a friendly arm around him. It’s the metal one, warmed by the sun, and its sleek lack of give is incredibly soothing, reminding Hal of the safety and seclusion of his workshop. 

"Gorgeous, isn't he?" Kaz asks, and he says it with the open sincerity of any dog owner. 

"Yeah," Hal says softly, “he is.” He can feel himself blushing, but Dave is _beautiful_ , and now he apparently gets to look all he wants. 

Above them, Dave wriggles happily, and then comes scrambling back down again with a flower in his mouth. His eyes are bright, and he hops down from the first low fork of the tree to scramble over to Kaz. The way he moves is something Hal's personal trainer called a tiger crawl, before Hal stopped going to the gym because he liked it way too much when the guy would get hands-on about correcting his form. 

"For me?" Kaz croons, as Dave sits at his feet, gazing up at him with those brilliant blue eyes. Dave makes a happy little whining noise in his throat, which deepens into a happy grumble as Kaz takes the flower in one hand and ruffles Dave's hair with the other, making him do his best to wag all over again. There’s something really cute about how even Dave’s finely-honed body, trained for this and so much else, can’t really make it look right. It’s a weird feeling, a little like vertigo, to wonder if this is how Snake used to feel sometimes when Hal was doing his clumsy best to obey. 

There’s also something really cute about the natural and unselfconscious way Kaz tucks the bloom into his hair and then secures it with some dexterous braiding, explaining that this particular tulip tree often has the first open flowers out of several scattered on the property. His metal fingers are just as nimble as the flesh ones, and Hal finds himself staring at Kaz almost as stupidly as he was just looking at Dave. 

Kaz smiles at him. “You know, kid,” he says, “I can see where Dave got your handle. You _are_ pretty cute.” 

Hal tries to figure out if Kaz is making fun of him and then tries to thank him for the compliment and instead just makes a weird squeaking noise and starts walking again, not sure if he’s more pleased, embarrassed, or guilty to be enjoying anything. Rustling behind him makes him look up, and Dave comes barreling over on hands and toes, looking concerned. Hal looks down at him and then can’t help himself. He crouches on the ground and scruffles Dave’s hair with both hands. 

“You’re a good doggo,” he says, “don’t worry.” Dave pants happily and licks Hal’s hand, shocking him into laughter. “That’s gross, Dave,” he says, and just like a dog, Dave reacts to the affectionate tone and not the words, beaming at Hal and then nuzzling into his hands again. 

After a minute or so, Kaz comes strolling up very casually, making a quiet clicking noise that makes Dave go to him immediately. Bell scurries after him, apparently not at all confused by her master becoming one of the dogs. Kaz pets everyone, and then crouches to check a thin, black and white husky’s left back paw. The dog looks more than a little nervous, but lets Kaz examine its paw while Dave nuzzles its shoulder like a supportive canine friend might do. 

“Skellig hurt himself a while ago,” Kaz says, “and I’m making sure he isn’t having any trouble with it. He’s kind of a nervous boy, anyway, one of those dogs who’s weird about his feet, and afraid it will hurt, so he’s being very good. Aren’t you, Skellig?” he coos, and sets the foot down. “Looks all right,” he says, still crouched on the forest floor. He looks up at Hal, and it’s hard to be sure under the aviators, but he looks a little concerned. “Are you all right?” 

“Yeah, I just... people don’t think I’m cute much.” 

“They probably do and just don’t tell you," Kaz says, the corner of his mouth curling into a slight smile. 

“R-really?” Hal says, doing his best not to squawk. 

“Yeah, really,” Kaz says, amused in that gentle way that Hal really, really hopes is genuine. 

Hal isn’t sure what to say, and is pretty glad that Kaz spends most of the rest of the walk telling him nature facts. It’s interesting, since Hal has always been a science nerd but never a biology one. Apparently a lot of these plants are edible, though Hal is well aware that he wouldn’t trust himself to pick the right ones. Some of the bugs are edible too, but Kaz says there’s no need to eat them so close to the house. It sounds like something he has said many times before, and it makes Hal wonder who he knows who so determinedly eats bugs. 

The whole time, Dave frisks along with the dogs. He really is in insane fucking shape, and Hal feels the usual confused mix of raw longing and envy. There’s something else in the envy, not just the usual bitter awareness of his own scrawny body, and as they near the house again, Hal realizes that he wishes he had something like being a dog. Dave just seems so happy, all the baggage of being human neatly packed away for one golden morning. 

Of course, all the real dogs can shake off any mud, water, and leaves that have gotten stuck in their coats, but Dave needs to be scrubbed down with a dry towel, while he pants and tries to lick Kaz’s hands, making him laugh. Kaz talks to Dave in soft Japanese, finally kissing the top of his head and then standing up, gesturing lazily for Hal to follow as he goes to the laundry room to dump the towel in a hamper and wash his hands. 

“We went Western for breakfast, do you mind Japanese for lunch?” Kaz asks, leading the way back to the kitchen as Dave and the dogs scamper after them. “Not that I’ve met many anime fans who do.” 

"It’s true,” Hal says, “I’m pretty excited for home-cooked Japanese food. I hope that’s not too weeby, I mostly just like food.” 

“My homeland may be incredibly xenophobic,” Kaz says, “but we’ve got some good stuff.” He suddenly laughs. “Yeah, such good local food that no one was allowed to leave for a couple hundred years.” 

“W-was it hard being half white? When you were growing up?” Hal asks, and then feels like leaping out the nearest window. 

“There were times it got pretty rough,” Kaz says, shrugging. “Now it’s hilarious when I go back and people do their best to speak English to me.” He opens the fridge and starts pulling out ingredients. “Ramen all right with you?” 

“Sure, I haven’t even had the instant kind lately, and I don’t even know how long it’s been since I got it at a restaurant...” 

“I’ve got the stuff to make shoyu ramen, so we’re going with that,” Kaz says, and starts heating water for his package of curly noodles, pointing out the cutting board so Hal can fetch it for him.

The dogs come crowding around when Kaz starts slicing up leftover pork, Dave included, and Kaz gives everyone a sliver of meat, telling each dog in turn that it is a good dog. Being one of Kaz’s dogs really is starting to look like a pretty good deal, Hal can see why Dave does it. He feels like he should look away as Dave’s sensitive and mobile lips take his share of the treat from Kaz’s metal fingertips, but no one asks him to, and Dave is just so graceful and so _happy_. There’s another miserable little pang of envy along with all his admiration, and it makes Hal feel like the scum of the earth as Dave breaks away from the pack to come over to him, smiling up from the floor with some of the purest joy Hal has ever seen on an adult. Hal wants to pet him and he already has but for some reason it seems weird again and Hal is probably just being stupid and then Kaz is saying, “go ahead and pet him,” like he’s reading Hal’s mind. So Hal tentatively strokes Dave’s hair, surprised into a laugh by the happy, canine way Dave pants, and then distracted a little by Dave’s interpretation of wagging his tail, this one a little slower and a lot prettier than the first time.


	13. Chapter 13

As far as Dave is concerned, it remains the best day ever. Everyone is here and there’s bits of pork and Hal is more relaxed and Master is making food. He only makes food when he feels okay. The smell of fast food and TV dinners make the whole pack a little sad, even if chicken nuggets are delicious. Homemade food is unalloyed delight, and Dave has to go back outside and play with Bulgogi again, both of them too large and excited to stay indoors right now.

Bulgogi is a nice dog, probably part blackmouth cur. It makes him look a little like the breed traditionally used for meat in Korea, which is part of the reason his name is Bulgogi, and not some other food threat. Not that Master would ever really eat any of them, and they all know it, even nervous little Skellig. Now Bulgogi chases Dave around and around the yard, being chased in his turn and all the while not using his full speed. Just like the whole pack knows how little Bell is, they all know that Dave can’t keep up on all fours.

At last the door opens and Master whistles for them. They race down to the door, and Bulgogi is gracious enough to act like it’s close before he beats Dave. Master pets them both, of course, and tells them that they are his good boys. They both make the same happy rumbling noise, and then follow him into the kitchen.

Hal is sitting at the table, looking a little nervous but also happy. Dave goes right to him and plows his head into Hal’s thigh, because Hal is great and touching him is great. It’s a little sad that Hal is still nervous, but touching him seems to be helping. Hal laughs and pets Dave, gently scratching him behind the wolf ears. “So, uh,” he says to Master, “how are we going to do this?” It’s good that Hal realizes that Master is safe, that he’ll answer questions and not make fun of you.

“I’m gonna give you a big bowl and two forks, because Dave doesn’t even have fingers right now,” Master says, and suits actions to words, getting one of the good, heavy ceramic bowls that Dave eats out of when he’s a dog. He makes a nice, pretty bowl of ramen and sets it on the table. There’s green onion and egg and plenty of meat, the broth glistening gold as the steam rises up from it. “Let me serve everybody with fur, first, so they’re distracted,” Master says, and soon the whole pack are scarfing down steamed pumpkin, rice, and pork. Dave waits and does his best not to whine because all of it smells good, and then finally, _finally_ , Hal is kneeling on the floor to offer Dave some noodles wound around the fork.

Dave tries to eat neatly. Really, he does, but the ramen is so good and he’s so happy that Hal is here that he can’t help wiggling and leaping a little, and by the time he and Hal have both eaten enough ramen, they’re both splashed with broth, and there are noodles in Hal’s hair. Dave tries to clean him up a little, and it just knocks his glasses askew. Master laughs at both of them, and Hal blushes, shrinking in on himself a little. Dave whines and licks his face, a human voice in the back of his mind chiding him that this is too much like a real kiss, but the voice can go fuck itself, Hal needs kisses.

“It’s okay,” Kaz says. “Dave is filthy anyway, and I’ve got more than one shower. Usually at around this point in the day we’d rinse off and get into the hot tub, anyway.” The hot tub is great, and Dave wags at the thought of it. Master chuckles, and comes close enough to ruffle his hair. “I have swim trunks for everyone’s virtue,” Master adds, and Hal chuckles.

“I, uh… okay,” he finally says, and Dave wriggles happily, following along as Master leads the way upstairs. Hal splits off to wash in the guest bathroom, and Dave follows Master into his own en suite.

“All right, puppy dog,” Master says when they’re alone, “you know the rules.”

Dave whines, because he does know the rules. No dogs in the hot tub. “Hey, at least you can shower off all that broth,” Kaz says, and Dave licks his hand, wagging his tail. “I”m not gonna drop you on your head. Let’s get you started washing up, and I’ll go make sure your boy has everything he needs and then come back to take care of you, okay?”

Dave yips a happy assent, and scrambles into the bathroom, where he crouches in the bottom of the shower stall and looks up at his master, panting expectantly. Kaz chuckles. “Silly puppy,” he says, and joins Dave on the floor to carefully remove first his mitts, then his ears and tail. Dave flops onto his back to make it easier to remove the cut-offs, and Kaz laughs again. “Thanks, precious boy,” he says, and Dave wriggles joyfully. “Don’t get any in your nose,” Kaz says, and stands up, switching on the water. Once he’s sure it’s the right temperature, he leaves Dave to human up enough to remember how bar soap works, and goes to see about Hal.

The really shitty thing about coming up from dogspace is that it means Dave has to start worrying again. It makes him a little low at the best of times, and now he has Hal to consider, and his stupid insecurities about Kaz minding, when Kaz is long past agreeing to _anything_ just to be polite, including things far lesser than unexpected company.

Still, it’s good when Kaz comes back to tell Dave that, himself. “The fuck you look so worried for?” he asks, bringing Dave a robe, a towel, and a swimsuit. “I’m pretty sure I like this kid.”

“Really, master?” Dave asks, pulling the suit on and wrapping the towel around himself, and Kaz chuckles.

“Really,” he says, wrapping the robe around Dave. “When you’re ready, go join him.” He pauses, arms around Dave, and Dave turns to press his face into the crook of Kaz’s neck for a long moment, breathing in his scent. “Do you want me to make myself scarce, or can I join you after I get the laundry started?”

“I think you make him feel safe, master,” Dave says softly. “I know you make me feel safe.” Any time he says things like this, Kaz blushes, and it’s always cute as hell. He smiles to see it now, and Kaz gently shoves him away. 

“Dork. Get out of here.”

“Yes, master,” Dave says, and kisses Kaz’s cheek before going out to the little fenced-off side yard that is specifically for Kaz’s massive wood-fired hot tub. The path to it is laid with smooth stones that are always comfortable on his bare feet. 

As he approaches the fence he starts to tense up again, relaxing when he opens the gate and sees Hal sitting on the little deck that extends from the edge of the tub, giving people a place to cool off. It also provides an anchor point for the frame that holds the various loops and straps that let Kaz maneuver his two-limbed way around the tub with a minimum of inconvenience. It’s not even a cold day, and Hal is steaming anyway, cooked to a bright pink that makes a vivid contrast with his borrowed yellow swim trunks, the drawstring pulled as tight as it will go to accommodate his skinny waist. He’s panting like a lizard, his glasses hopelessly fogged up. It’s adorable.

“How you holding up?” Dave asks him, sliding out of his robe and dropping the towel on top of it.

Hal laughs breathlessly. “I feel a little like I might pass out, but I don’t think my neck and shoulders have been this loose in… ever.”

Dave slides into the water and sighs. “Yeah, it’s pretty good for that.”

“...I… uh… I guess you’re kinda sore, huh? From being a dog?”

He sounds like he doesn’t know if he’s allowed to ask about it, and Dave’s heart breaks for him all over again. “Yeah,” he says, “a little. It’s nice, though. Being a dog lets you just inhabit your body. You’re not on a mission, in serious training, or anything. You’re just playing, in a way adults don’t usually get to.” For a moment he’s afraid Hal is going to start crying again. Instead he takes off his fogged glasses and smiles bravely.

“That does sound pretty good,” Hal says, and slips into the water again, hissing gently between his teeth.

“We can add some cold,” Dave tells him, and Hal chuckles.

“It is a little bit like human ramen. God, that ramen was good,” he adds, slender white feet floating up on the opposite side of the tub. Dave is pleased to see that Hal has already figured out the kind of human hammock configuration that works best here.

“Kaz sterilized this once and stewed venison in it. Fucking delicious, but he said it was way too much trouble.”

“So the wood in the bottom comes out, or...?”

“Yeah, it lifts out if you take the rocks off the bottom.”

“I thought those were foot rests.”

“Well,” Dave says, stretching out and resting his shoulders beside Hal’s feet, “they can do both.”


	14. Chapter 14

Hal is pretty sure that this is the hottest water he has ever been in in his life, and he feels a little light-headed, glad to haul himself up to sit on the edge. Dave offers to add cold again, but Hal waves him off. What’s the point of a wood-fired hot tub if you’re just going to make it feel like a normal bath? He’s startled by Kaz’s approving laugh as he comes to join them.

“I like this one, Dave, he’s a philosopher and a gentleman.”

Hal can feel himself blushing, even if Kaz is just joking. And then Kaz is unwrapping his plush white robe to reveal what seems like miles of flawless skin, old scars only setting off its warm ivory perfection. Hal tries not to drool too obviously, feeling his usual surge of confused lust in the presence of a gorgeous man. Hal has never been sure just what his orientation even is. Where does ‘bisexual’ end, and ‘lonely and broken and scared of women’ begin? This is a question he’s having to think about yet again, watching Kaz. It’s a whole glorious cyborg striptease just to get him ready to immerse himself. He takes his leg off first, matter of fact as if it actually is a boot, and slots it into the neat little rack beside the tub. The special electronically-conductive and waterproof stump sock goes over the top, and then Kaz detaches his right arm and sets it into the slot beside his leg.

Standing there on his one foot, wearing nothing but a small black swimsuit, there’s something almost unbearably beautiful about Kaz. He’s so powerful and so vulnerable at the same time, and Hal has a confused sense of gratitude, that Kaz is letting him see this after he and Dave have both seen Hal so pathetic, like he’s trying to make them even. 

Then he grins at Hal. “Okay, kid, the glasses stay on unless you pay extra.”

Kaz catches one of the hanging straps in his powerful left hand, hooks his left knee over the tub’s edge in a graceful movement that makes Hal think of people who know how to ride horses, and swings himself over the water. It’s slow and controlled, and he barely ripples the surface as he slides through it. As Kaz sinks into the water, he makes a noise that’s a combination of a hiss through his teeth and a barely audible but still pornographic moan. Hal is glad that he’s already flushed from the heat, and his blush doesn’t show.

Dave chuckles, shifting along the side of the tub toward Kaz’s right, not obviously spotting him, but there to grab Kaz if he slips without a right hand to catch himself. “Master, why do you always sound like a hot tub is quality pussy?”

“Because they’re very similar, Dave,” Kaz says, sighing as he settles into place. “Hot, wet, enveloping, and irresistible.”

Hal can’t help a weird little squeaking noise, and Kaz smiles at him. “Yes?”

“Uh, I guess I’m surprised that Dave knows what you sound like with women?”

“I have tried to give up pussy several times in my life,” Kaz says, “and nothing good has ever come of it.”

“...Guess we’ve got the opposite problem,” Hal says, doing his best to be casual around a sudden lump in his throat.

Kaz winces. “Kid, I am so sorry.”

“It’s okay, I just… I guess I’m kind of old to be confused? It seems lame.”

“What’s confusing you?” Kaz asks, sighing as he sinks a little deeper into the water, leaning on Dave.

They’re so beautiful it makes Hal wish he could paint, or something. “I, uh… I guess I’m so messed up that I don’t even know if I like men?” It’s all the worse that figuring out whether or not one likes men is more of a high school to college problem.

“I’m pretty sure you like men,” Kaz says, sounding profoundly amused, but not in a mean way. “You look at us the way I look at attractive men—well, minus the confidence that comes with being a weather-beaten old slut like me-- so I have to assume you’re at least a Kinsey 2.5.”

“Oh,” Hal says, pondering that. “Okay.” He had spent a lot of his time with Snake hard, sometimes dripping so much it was even more embarrassing than everything else, and he doesn’t really like being hurt… except for how he kind of does? He’s not sure what he’d do if a man was gentle with him, but when women are really gentle it kind of scares him, like they know what he’s done, but he guesses he’s supposed to try and stop thinking of it like that. He likes how soft their hands are, but he likes Dave’s hands on him, too. Kaz probably is right, Hal is just so fucked up it’s hard to know anything for sure. He sighs, sinking a little deeper into the water. He’s kind of getting used to the heat.

“Doing all right?” Kaz asks.

“I think so,” Hal says, “but pull me out if I faint.”

“Will do,” Dave says, favoring him with a lazy grin.

Of course Hal doesn’t actually do anything that stupid. When it really seems like he’s going to faint, he hauls himself up onto the side again, panting.

“You’re awful flushed,” Dave says, “do you want cold water?”

“I think the shock might kill me,” Hal says, and Dave laughs, making sure that Kaz is comfortably balanced before rolling over the edge of the tub and landing on his feet in one liquid and graceful movement that makes another data point on Hal’s graph of how into men he is or may be. Once there, Dave goes and fills a bucket with the hose, dumping the cold water over his head. 

He rakes his hair out of his eyes and grins at Hal, coming over and opening his arms. “Cooling hugs?”

“...uh, yeah. O-okay,” Hal says, and then does his best not to faint as Dave comes over and wraps those strong arms around him. 

At Zanzibarland, Snake had insisted on hugging him a few times, but those had had a certain brusqueness to them, close but quick. Now he realizes that Dave had probably really needed those hugs, but the guilt is muffled a little by the way Dave is holding him now, like he has all the time in the world. It’s weird to think that allowing someone to touch his useless, spindly self could make them feel good, but apparently it can. He sighs and relaxes into it, because it just keeps going, and Kaz isn’t saying anything. When Hal does risk a glance up, he can see Kaz, blurred by steam, just gazing out at the trees, glowing green in the summer sun. Hal can feel himself blushing, but when Dave finally lets him go, he does it like there’s nothing to be embarrassed about at all.

“You know,” Kaz says, sunk in the water and looking as wise and sinful and lazy as a crocodile, “bisexuality was so prevalent among the samurai that the expression ‘a bearer of two swords’ can still refer to a bisexual man in Japanese, referencing the pairing of the katana and wakizashi.”

“Recruits do call him Hellmaster,” Dave stage-whispers to Hal, sliding into the water beside Kaz, “but his other nickname is College Boy.”

“Just because some of us like to read,” Kaz says.

“His degree is in Economics,” Dave adds, which does sound kind of ridiculous when a person is expecting something like Military History.

Kaz snorts. “Someone had to know how to run an installation,” he says. “Might as fuckin’ well be me.”

“That’s really cool,” Hal says, because it is. “Economics is a hard, weird subject that changes all the time. Like, daily, and there’s all that jargon and vast systems to understand and different stuff by region…. Wait, is that what computers look like from the outside?”

Kaz laughs. “Pretty much, yeah.”

Not long after that, Kaz announces that his old war wounds have cooked enough, and swings himself up and out of the tub with his left arm and the opposite knee. Dave spots him, and helps him to sit on the edge of the tub. After that, he can slot himself back into his metal limbs with no help, the movements graceful in their economy.

“You’re really beautiful,” Hal hears himself saying, and then slides under the water, ducking himself for being an idiot before anyone else has to. In a moment, Dave’s strong arm is scooping him up to the surface again.

“No need to be embarrassed for speaking the truth, Hal,” he says, grinning. It’s a good expression on him, softening the more severe lines of his face and lighting up his blue eyes. “Kaz knows he’s gorgeous.”

“I think of myself more as having the ruined grandeur of the Parthenon,” Kaz says, toweling himself off, and Dave just rolls his eyes, mouthing ‘so vain’ to Hal while Kaz is getting into his robe again, his back to them. Hal can’t help snickering, and Dave beams at him, climbing over the side of the tub with unbearable grace and then offering Hal a hand out. Hal is grateful for the assistance, feeling sort of like a cooked noodle.

Hal is not really up on all the subtleties of human interaction, but he can grasp that Dave and his master might want to be alone together, and is glad to facilitate that by lying down in the guest room to cool off. He’s still a little light-headed from the heat, and is glad to have Dave support him on the way there. Kaz quietly vanishes, leaving Dave to arrange things for Hal, putting a towel over the pillow for his damp hair, and helping him out of his borrowed trunks. Hal has been naked in front of Dave so much, but he doesn’t know if he’ll ever get used to this tenderness. Dave helps him lie down, and then pulls just the sheet over him.

“Comfortable?” Dave murmurs.

“Yeah,” Hal says softly, and feels himself blush as Dave kisses his forehead. His lips are very soft next to his prickly stubble, and Hal is pretty sure that he’ll never get enough of the contrast.


	15. Chapter 15

It’s a profound relief to step away from Hal, to clear his head, but Dave also wants to crawl into bed after him and stay wrapped around him for days. He goes to Kaz’s room instead, and drops to the floor again, crawling to the bed and putting a beseeching hand on the edge of the mattress, his fingers curled under to make a paw. Kaz makes the same little clicking noise and negligent gesture that he would for any of the other dogs, and they shift to make room for Dave. He kind of has whiplash from coming up so far and then dropping so far again, and he whimpers softly as Kaz wraps his arms around him, the metal warm from the bedside lamp.

“There’s my good boy,” he murmurs, and Dave wriggles happily, nosing into the crook of Kaz’s neck. Kaz gently scratches behind Dave’s ears, and baby-talks to him in Japanese, the way he does with all the dogs. Dave sighs and relaxes, listening to Kaz’s heart and breathing in his scent.

After a while, Kaz takes everyone to the kitchen, and feeds Dave a treat along with the rest. Dave crunches up his cheese biscuit and then lets Kaz start helping him up from being a dog again. It can be slower this time, though, and Dave is still kind of blurry when Hal comes wandering out of the guest room, yawning.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to really fall asleep,” he says.

“You probably needed it,” Kaz tells him. “I’ve never met an R and D type that didn’t have insomnia.” He smiles softly. “All that creativity, I guess.” Hal actually blushes, and Dave wags his tail because that’s unbearably cute. He’s so glad Kaz likes Hal. It’s not like he has family to approve or disapprove of anyone he hooks up with, just his master. There’s not such a time crunch this time, and Dave can just lie there between their chairs as they talk about ancient robot anime that Dave barely remembers, and some other classic Japanese pop culture. Kaz shares a lot of this stuff with Dave, but nowhere near all of it sticks. It’s nice that Hal has seen all the same stuff and actually cares about it. They can talk about the essential wholesomeness of the tokusetsu genre as a whole, and sentai shows in particular.

It’s nightfall by the time Dave is fully up and human and definitely able to go home without getting depressed the second he’s alone. Really, he’ll probably jerk off the second he’s alone, his body used to fucking Kaz several times a weekend. He’ll probably come by Dave’s tomorrow, they can make up for lost time then. That’s what he tells Hal, when gabbles an apology about cockblocking Dave and Kaz. He says it in a less vulgar way, but that’s clearly what he means.

“Oh, okay,” Hal says. “I’m glad I’m not completely getting in the way.”

“If I felt like that, we wouldn’t have invited you over,” Dave says, and Hal goes pink again and busies himself with setting up the adapter so he can play more techno from his phone. It’s not the greatest thing Dave has ever heard, but there’s something pleasing about it, scratching the same itch as artificially-colored candy.

As they approach Hal’s neighborhood, he gets some missed texts from his sister. Fortunately, after a moment of barely-suppressed panic, they turn out to just be pictures of cool technology. The last message asks if he has his phone with him or not, but doesn’t seem very concerned.

“I probably worry a lot more than she does,” Hal says, rapidly typing a reply with dexterous thumbs. “I’m pretty much her only family at this point.”

Dave has no idea what happened to the kid’s mother, but he’s not going to pry. “You’ve always struck me as a pretty responsible guy, Hal.”

Hal smiles shyly. “Thanks,” he says, voice barely more than a whisper. The urge to just pull the car over and gather Hal into his arms is a physical ache, but doing that kind of thing in a car is kind of like doing it in an elevator. He always wants Hal to have an avenue of escape.

The apartment complex Hal directs Dave to is a fairly nice one, with balconies and a little bit of decent landscaping. Dave is glad to see it, since Hal is raising a kid and all. Dave likes to see his companion to their door after any kind of date, and Hal has no objection now. He babbles a little as Dave walks him up, about the place being a mess and Dave being welcome to come in for a drink even though Hal isn’t sure what he has.

Dave does step in long enough to have a cup of coffee, and the place is a mess, but not an unlivable one. They sit at the kitchen table, and Dave lets Hal tell him all about his current engineering projects, and his fondness for the enormous and enthusiastic modern dancer they brought in to provide some mo-cap to help with the walk cycles.

“His name is Rex, legally and everything, and he does these crazy Godzilla/dinosaur noises, it’s great.”

Dave chuckles, and then checks the time on his phone. “It’s not hot out,” he says, “but I should go rescue Bell.”

“Yeah, sorry if I’ve kept you too long,” Hal says, getting up to walk Dave to the door.

“It’s okay.” Dave pauses at the threshold, studying Hal’s face. “You know,” he says, “there is a question I forgot to ask you earlier.”

“Y-yeah?” Hal breathes, silvery eyes wide.

“Yeah. Is it okay if I kiss you?”

Hal just nods, looking pleasantly stunned. He makes the softest little barely-a-noise when Dave cups the side of his face in one hand. Hal is only a little shorter than Dave, but he goes up on his toes a little, so eager to make contact. Dave means to keep it brief and sweet and nearly platonic, but at the first brush of their lips Hal just melts in his arms. Cradling Hal close to his chest is automatic when Dave feels him get weak in the knees, and the closeness and warmth makes it hard to stay as chaste as he means to. Hal’s skinny little body feels so right in Dave’s arms, and the little whimpering noise he can’t help making goes straight to Dave’s cock. It’s very difficult not to just grab Hal’s ass in both hands and haul him in tight, but Dave manages to control himself. Hal certainly seems like he’d enjoy it, but Dave wants to give him time to think. Being swept off one’s feet can be very stressful.

Dave has had a great deal of training in self-control, and that’s what stops him from just picking Hal up, pinning him to the wall, and grinding on him until he comes. He aches for it, but pulls back and smiles down at Hal, who’s looking up at him glassy-eyed and breathless. “Think about what you want out of this,” Dave says softly, and presses a kiss to Hal’s forehead before pulling away.

“Yes, sir,” Hal breathes. He’s hard already, trembling slightly, and it takes everything Dave has to walk out without touching him again.

Dave drives home on autopilot, and isn’t sure if he feels more like jerking off or running for miles. He’s a little bit shaky by the time he makes sure Bell doesn’t have to pee, gets his things put away, and cleans up a little. He and Kaz have a protocol for this, and Dave makes a strategic sweep of the apartment, to show himself there’s no reason to be nervous. Bell trots along after him, and her tiny presence helps to ground him. He talks to her while he works, about the various locks and security devices, (he doesn’t have as many enemies as his father or his master, but he’s not _stupid_ ) what he needs to put on the next grocery list, and reminds himself for the thousandth time to rehang the guestroom door. Not that he ever has guests besides Kaz, but that’s apparently going to change. Hal will need a space to retreat to, and it should have a door that doesn’t stick. There’s already room for him to leave things here, it’s pretty Spartan, even by Dave’s standards.

“Maybe he’ll want to put up an anime poster or something,” Dave says to Bell, as he makes sure that the sheets on the bed don’t smell musty. He changes them once a week along with his own, with that compulsive, Army-bred housekeeping that can make a veteran such a pain in the ass to live with. “It might be nice, get some color onto the walls.” They’re white, but thankfully that kind of eggshell with beige tones, not the glaring, glacial kind that make a room feel like it’s owned by either Nazis or aliens.

Once Dave has reassured his lizard brain that his home is safe, he turns off all the lights except for his forty-watt bedside lamp, locks his bedroom door, curls up with Bell, and calls his master.

Kaz answers almost before it has time to ring, and Dave smiles.


	16. Chapter 16

Hal has no idea how this is even his life. He’s getting past expecting to wake up from some heartbreaking wish-fulfillment dream, like the recurring one where he finds an original Special O model, but things are still really, really weird. Mostly in a good way, though. Still, even positive life changes are stressful, and having some kind of boyfriend now is a big one. He really wishes he had friends to talk to. Well, at least he can check a few threads he started at Kaz’s house. The message boards Hal frequents aren’t exactly the best places to turn to for relationship advice, but it’s certainly better than burdening his technically-a-teen-we-had-this-talk sister with information no sibling needs.

Naturally, there’s conflicting advice. Still, it’s kind of touching to see that every one of his off-topic threads has gotten several replies, even if they just consist of, ‘GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY,’ ‘pics or it didn’t happen,’ and ‘I’m a forty-year-old virgin playing with toys, good luck, buddy.’ There’s a lot of personal safety advice, too, and he supposes he probably should try and look Dave up. He has mentioned his sister in pms and posts, the way a person does in the course of normal conversation, and there are several concerned people who are telling Hal to make sure he’s not on the sexual predator registry, just to be safe. At least Hal can set their minds at ease with the perfectly truthful answer that Snake (he has an alias already, no need to call everyone A, B, and C in this story) had to get a background check for his current job.

It is good to check up on these things, though, and so he does just enough searching to determine that Dave has gotten medals for things the public isn’t allowed to even know about, and that Kaz isn’t on any registries and that he really is a renowned wilderness survival instructor. There are photos of him wearing a beret and a formidable scowl along with the aviators that are somewhere between terrifying and adorable, since Hal knows firsthand how kind he can be. This leads him to older photos, and wow. Kaz is gorgeous now, as a young man he must have been a force of nature. Hal blushes, sitting alone at his desk, feeling like such a creeper even if these are just file photos mostly, Kaz happening to be around when something else was captured, and ID badge photos. Who the hell looks good on an ID badge? Kaz, apparently. Hal shuts all the related pages, feeling like a stalker even if he’s just making sure there’s no publicly-available evidence that his sister won’t be safe with these people. Kaz will probably never meet her, but this is important.

With all his responsible adult background checks done, Hal turns his attention to cleaning the place up before E.E. gets back. He tries not to lie to his sister, but a child shouldn’t have to see all the evidence of her guardian’s terrible hygiene, worse diet, and excessive pornography use. He snatched up the worst of it as he brought Dave in, but there’s still an awful lot of crumpled tissues in the trash for someone who doesn’t have a cold, along with plenty of energy drink cans, takeout containers, and chip bags. At least it hasn’t been long enough for anything to get moldy.

As Hal hauls trash bags down to the curb, he wonders what Dave is doing right now. He also wonders what Dave and Kaz will be doing tomorrow, and feels like he’s blushing all over his body as he contemplates the possibilities. He wonders if Dave likes receiving any of the things Snake used to do to Hal. Probably not the verbal humiliation, but then again, Kaz is apparently a known and feared drill instructor, so it’s not like he wouldn’t be good at it. His stomach twists, remembering Snake telling him that he’s weak, that being a punching bag is all he’s good for, that he’s like a bait dog in a fighting ring. Hal isn’t sure yet just what he wants out of this, but at least he knows something he doesn’t want.

The thought prompts him to go back inside and start making one of those lists Dave and Kaz had talked about. Zanzibarland just has a checklist, and Hal had been guessing for some of it. Setting his limits has been hard for him, so he starts with that, making a list on graph paper under the heading Hard Limits. It’s much easier, now. He just thinks of everything Snake did that he knows for sure he didn’t like. He starts with ‘verbal humiliation,’ and then puts down ‘caning,’ because that really had been all bad. He’s glad that even as Snake, Dave only gave him three strokes. The bruises still hurt. Thinking about the impacts he’s comparing, he starts a Soft Limits list, and heads it with ‘flogging’ and ‘spanking.’ Both of those feel amazing on the lead up to the real, punitive impacts that Hal had put into his paperwork for Zanzibarland. He’s still not sure he deserves for anyone to care about his limits, but it seems to be how these things are done, so he’s going to think about it.

Hal works on what he doesn’t want for so long that he almost forgets to make his third list, ‘Things I (Might) Like.’ There’s so much he’s not sure of that the parenthetical aside seems important. ‘Light spanking,’ ‘light flogging,’ and then, ‘bondage.’ He pauses, studying the list for a long moment, and then adds, ‘cross-dressing?’ all that stuff about him being pretty like a girl has made him wonder. It might just feel awful and stupid and more humiliating than anything Snake ever said to him, but Hal kind of likes the thought of being pretty, and women’s clothes do look soft and smooth. Below ‘cross-dressing?’ he lists ‘pet play?’ blushing up to his hairline at his own daring. Before he has time to think, he scrawls, ‘giving blowjobs?’ because he has no idea what he’s doing but he wanted to suck Snake’s cock from the day he met him, and now is the time to be honest about stuff like that.

By the time Hal has listed everything he can easily think of, he’s hard again. He feels like a kid and it’s terrible, but he sternly reminds himself that he is allowed to feel good, and goes to his bedroom because that’s where he keeps his lube, he’s not feral. There’s a little girl in the house, besides, and Hal does his best to protect E.E. from all the gross things that come with the So Lonely lifestyle. At least he doesn’t have an anime blowup doll or body pillow. Just a fleshlight, decently hidden on the top shelf of the closet. Sure, a few of the inserts are specific alien colors and textures, but it’s a poor heart that never rejoices in weird fantasies.

Getting the fleshlight out of the closet, Hal pauses, realizing that he should probably pull out the other thing at some point There is a dildo back here, it’s just not usually worth the trouble. But if he’s really going to have some kind of boyfriend, he should more use out this thing than just getting drunk and jerking off with it rubbing against his balls, like someone fucking between his thighs. He’s not going to try anything tonight, there’s no reason to risk any of the dildo-related horror stories he’s heard when he’s supposed to pick up his sister tomorrow morning. He just holds it for a moment, letting it warm against his skin before setting it down again, so he can get out of his clothes and onto the bed.

Hal’s laptop is right here, of course, and it’s only a few clicks to get to some POV hentai of an alien girl the same blue as his current insert. She’s protesting a bit, but only the standard, formal ones of Japanese porn. Hal is willing to watch much more rapey content, since none of it is real and he doesn’t have to worry about anyone being trafficked, but it’s kind of nice to see the alien girl’s denials turning into a flushed, panting, ahegao’d out mess. It has been a rough day, he’s not up for pretending anything really terrible. He wonders if he would ever sound like that, ever get so blasted that he drools, and if Dave would like that. Hal wonders if _he_ would like that, and imagines Dave poised over him, thrusting into him as deep and as fast as he’s slamming into the toy by now, maybe pinning Hal’s hands over his head, calling him a good little slut and telling him to take it, take it all, that he’s a perfect little cock holster and Dave is going to use him again and again, fuck him brainless and that he knew that tight hole would stretch right out, open up just wide enough to take his cock, knew that Hal would love this, being filled and owned and used.

Hal comes so hard that some of it leaks over the top of the sleeve, with a loud noise that he only succeeds in half-muffling. It’s a good thing E.E. isn’t here. Once Hal has caught his breath, and gotten up on shaky legs to go to the bathroom and clean up, he comes back out to where he left his list on the table and adds ‘light verbal humiliation?’ and ‘getting fucked?’ He’s glad he used pen, and can’t immediately erase the words in a fit of embarrassment.


End file.
